mentally unstable

i did it!!!did what??

ok well heres the long story..all this while iv been wantin to msg sophan on msn but lets face it..im a humongous crazy chicken..haha..but yest well..i told myself that i had to do it by 9 pm..n well i did..finally eh..n it was nice..chattin to him..n no..its not like im xpectin anithin romantically..truth is..i love bein single..for once in my life im not involved with any guy at all..n its kewl..hell each time i meet sum1 i know they alwez ask who im involved with n now i can say that theres no1..n realli..theres no1..no1 at all

im actualli lookin forward to spendin my valentines alone..again..ok sure i had a date last year but this time im not even gona bother askin u kno hu out...n now i actualli do go out..i used to be the whole "no bf so stay home" but now..no bf so all the more go out!!haha..even being the third wheel with lach n din is fine cos i dont feel like one..unlike those times with shalin n pat all..that felt weird..sure mayb i would like to spend it with sum1..but unless its sum1 that means a lot to me nah..i dont wanna spnd it with any random guy..

n i was tellin lach..that ryt now..i dont want any guy..like taufiq..i realised i was forcin myself to move on with him..telling myself our relationship meant sumthin bt deep down i knw it didnt..we were frens with benefits..hell we were more benefits..not even frenz..i admit lah..i just didnt wanna be alone..n better be with sum1 than b alone ryt..i was living in a god damn lie the entire time..now i realise that its better to have the real thing than settle for sumthin that will onli keep on hurting me..

now im glad me n sophan are frens n talking..yes a part of me would be estatic if we ever got back together n i know this time i wont mess up like i did last time..but well only time will tell..for now..im gonna live in the moment..be happy with what iv got..my family..frens that drive me nuts but i still love to bits..n everything else i have goin on for me..

posted by naddz @ 9:48 AM