Sunday, July 25, 2004

well im @ my aza's place now...along with zal,tim,firoz,martyn and reza...kinda bored actualli..theyre watchin crazy/beautiful now haha..thanks to me lah...haha but im usin aza's computer...boring ah....n they all juz ate n still cen eat...how they tahan sia...its amazing...hmm...i dunno if i should talk bout this but well i think id better...well iv yet to tell them bout zorro yet...y..well they remember how damn bloody upset n wrecked i was last october so naturally they wuld wanna screen the new guy like mad before letting me get in2 another relationship...n knowing them they wuld b realli realli realli syco this time...ah well...i tink ill jez keep this whole thing a secret for now...seriously i dunno if i shuldv told ani1 bout it..not so sure if he wanted to keep it a secret oso...ntahlah...he sorta used the "L" word yesterday...or wuz it today...thing is i cant bring myself to say it or nithin cos well...i hev no idea how i feel n if what im feelin realli is err love anot...i mean when i was with hafiz i was convinced what i felt was love..i guess well it wuz 1 sided...but with him...well so far its been great plus well i guess im openin up a bit more..cmonlah i told him bout my theory bout my mom n dad(dun ask onli shalin knows bout it..sorry peoplez)..n well i guess..maayb juz mayb as time grows by my feelins will grow...well i know it is oredi but im still holding back...juz a knee jerk reaction...i know i shouldnt cos he didnt do anything to me to make me wanna hold back but its just natural for me...my wall is still up thou its slowly comin down...i juz dun wanna rush in2 anythin too fast n b too into the relationship to the point that if it doesnt work out then i bcome a wreck again...that wuld b a complete disaster...god this is so unfair...hell i know how i feel and how i shuld b but fucklah...actually im listenin to clay aiken's measure of a man...n well sumhow i feel like thats what im doin...sorta expectin him to prove himself when he doesnt need to...i feel like im being unfair to him and he doesnt deserve it...n well yesterday at the gig i dunno y i felt a bit bad when i took pictures of akash's band..i mean...i did drag him all the way there to catch my ex crushes band perform n i wuz takin pictures...any normal guy wuld get ultra jealous..yet he was so cool about it...n yet im still like this...what is wrong with me sia...well i juz need time i guess...hopfulli it isnt too late or nithin...

posted by naddz @ 1:04 PM

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