Tuesday, October 05, 2004

..trying not to show how i feel..pretending im ok when im crying deep inside...so much easier wen i was alone...if its changed just let me know..no point pretending when its already gone...iv been through worst..hell my own father walked out on me so this will just be the same...nothing can get to me anymore...too many heartbreaks..too many disapointments...no surprise why i dun have any faith is guys...like i said last week.......i dun wan sum1 stayin with me out of obligation or pity....if u dun feel anithin juz tell me...its better to hurt me now than lead me on n hurt me even more...sumtymz i dunno y i let myself fall for when i know im just setting myself up for heartbreak...iv alwez told myself..nothing lasts...no matter how hard u try things will alwez alwez fall apart..yet i let myself give in n fall for him...see where that landed me...i should just accept that im meant to be alone...just like my mom....i was jusst too stupid n didnt wanna listen to myself...well now im not gonna b stupid anymore...im not gonna let sum guy do nithin to me...im gonna concentrate on other things...like da xams...shalin being back...rahmat coming back..yeah he emaild...n hez comin back...mentiond wantin to get together with me (not in that sense..thou he did mention it a lot)n well..he sez he myt b in town for good so yay...another close fren is back...hey if things fall apart i know i wont b a wreck like i was when hafiz was concerned...cos at least im anticipating this...hell after wat i saw on the phone last wed...to me nithin cen happen....i shouldv seen that i was nothin more than a mere replacement for sum1 unreachable....thing is....a part of me feels that he loves me n knows that too..but a part is like doubtful...i dunno these past week has been crazy...with my wallet missing n me feeling so damn lost without it...no wallet..no student card no nothing...i dunno wad im gonna do sia...n then he seems so like whatever...i dunt even know how to act...so wad to do...put up my ice queen front n treat him like crap...onli way i can think of so that i wont break down right there and then...wic iv almost done on several occasions...alah dunnolah...can i juz give up!!

posted by naddz @ 3:39 AM

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