Tuesday, August 03, 2004

fuck man...i didnt go for my freakin maths class then everythin n i mean everything is goin rong for me...craplah im so damn stressed n moody right now...sure matt when m i ever not stressed n moody but like cmon iv never not slept cos of bein stressed n yesterday i slept at what 3 sumthin cos i couldnt stop tinkin bout u know what....i mean...shalin realli thinks its da beginning of the end for her n jamie...if if there can actualli b that for them...the perfect couple then well u knowlah....im like the master of screwin things up...n what makes me so sure i wont mess this up like i alwez do...sure this time i didnt like plunge in2 things as fast as i did da last time but still...theres still a major risk...im oredi startin to well b emotionally in2 da relationship as much as i tried not to be(or well shalin told me not to be but well this is me..so duhhh)...i know im still very reserved n i totalli hev doubts but cmon i dun hev any reason to be...n well iv gotten a taste of the "nadiah" treatment n now i know that it realli sucks...n i mean realli realli realli realli sucks...no wonder people cannot tahan..hell i myself cannot tahan...sumtymz i reali do wonder if im juz kidding myself again n well my heart tells me one thing but my head so tells me another( i know i know *phuke*)...hell my head is messed up so y da hell shuld i listen to it..i admit it i realli do like him...haha.crazy right...but thing is i dont show it exactli..i mean im affectionate n stuff but emotionally like im not exactli...sori..guess da shell is still very much there..n twice as thick this time...wish i wasnt so difficult sumtymz...what to do im a heinous bitch n nothin can change that fact...

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