why do i keep holding on when it looks as thou all hope is gone..each time i feel like giving up..theres alwez sumthin holding me back..but now...the only reason why im still not giving up is cos i love him n i dun wanna screw this up the way i did all other times..i dun wan to lose him...but at the rate things are going its as thou iv already lost him..i know iv got no reason to doubt him at all but i jus feel like sumthings amiss...i dont know what...its just sumthing..i wished things between him n me were the same but i guess thats just wishful thinking..he doesnt even tell me nithin anymore..now i totalli regret askin him bout the trip to kota tinggi all the time n hopin he'll say he can go when i know his mum wont allow him to go...plus the lydia open house..shuldtve askd him...i guess if i didnt tell him bout it he prolly wont tell me hez goin outa spore...looks like ill b goin on the dunman outing on my own...alah ajak idham sudah...hez oso a dunmanite..n he hates ihsan so got bodyguard...i juz dunno bout him nimore...each time im with him i get freaked that it myt juz b da last tym we'r together...n i hate it evrytime i look forward to meet him n it doesnt happen...hmm 630 am...usualli he wuld sms me...esp since i stupidly smsd him so many tymz yest...makes me feel so damn insignificant....freaking hurts..then again hez sick so mayb he didnt wake up for sahur...im not gonna jump to conclusions nimore...n well im oso not gna b so pathetic anymore..keep on smsin him wen i kno he wont reply....whats the point...ill only get more upset anyway...
met idham at tm yest...n he was so damn flirty sia...as much as it wuz ridiculously funni it did well feel kinda nice...felt like i was wanted...forgot how it feels like...now my mum suddenli wont allow me to go kota tinggi..fucklah...fine then...wont go..hell now i dun even kno if i shuld ask him to go out with me nimore...90% of the time i know the answer anyway..hint definitely not a yes...well at least now i got the job so i wont go out n i wont have to ask him out..plus i know hez not the kind to juz appear at my workplace juz to surprise me so i dun xpect it or nithin...rahmat the loon actualli did it twice..appeard at gelare with pina colada in tow..haha...n the mood necklace...surprised he rememberd how much i wanted it since i juz mentiond the ring one time oni...i dun even wanna talk about this anymore..it just hurts too much...juz gona go to work..not think about him(not gonna work thou)juz try to survive this day not glancin at my hp every hour hopin he smses...im not gona stoop to that patheticness...
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