we met at ps(i almost bailed again but didnt)...kinda funni cos he didnt know wher to go so i had to look for him at 77th street ther...met him blah blah...walkd arnd...then got sumthin frm 7-11..n walked to esplanade..checkd out the gig..wic sucked btw n the whole time i wanted outta ther...cos i was so thinkin of sop...1st datelah...met his fren n the fren was like "ur date ah"...n we both gave each other this look like "isit a date??"...took the rivercruise thingy...wic was so fun...n talkd n talkd...then had to go back cos it was almost 11 oredi...n well he livs @ jurong so he couldnt send me home...idham didn call so i culdnt b bothered oso...went home ate n juz hung out..he did sms me askin bout the gig(he didnt know bout it)...felt kinda bad not telin him but hey its not as if we talk oso...god...y isist everytime i try to move on n try talkin bout sumthin or sum1 else it alwez goes back to him...its like im stuck in a rutt..n i hate it..i keep on thinkin of whats gonna happen this next few months..shalins wedding,valentines day..the holidays..gonna b me alone again..tink im juz gonna skip valentines day this time..shalin n jamie..diana n sandeep,patna n shaikh...dun think ill b able to go...n haha i juz realised in all theres sum1 whose name starts with s..i know nothin will ever change things between him n me..guess thats what holdin me together...i dun have any more hope for him n me so i wont b brokenhearted n disapointed in the end..cos this past month+ i alwez end up disapointed n hurt..only now i know that love...its all just in ur head..u convince urself that u love sum1 n have faith in that person n that love but in the end..it never lasts...when finalli open up ur heart n believe that uv found the 1...it turns out that u were just a fool all along..with hafiz i never held back...frm day 1 i felt sumthin...but after this long..i realised that i jumped in2 things with him...was convinced it was love but it wasnt..i just loved being with him...he was like a buddy..sum1 i hung out with as frenz n well with benefitslah...n with sophan..i was so careful..didnt wanna fall too fast for him n onli realli did let myself totalli fall for him after a month n look where that landed me...i dunno y iv got trust issues...guess cos each time i trust sum1 i end up gettin stabbed in da back...but i didnt wana not trust him..i mean who wouldnt get insecure he wasnt payin as much attention to me as he used to...n like dat day b4 he went msia he didnt even sms me after his job...n i waited n waited the whole nyt for him to sms...felt so like an idiot..can still remember the next day when i went to skool..was so happy he smsd yet so pissed...i dun evn know wher to put my feelins then...god i dun even wanna get into this...wanna go phuke now...i dun get it...iv gone back to my bingeing n bulimic ways...great ryt..yet im still not lozin weit...juz giv it a month..hopfulli i cen b 40 again then...juz dun eat even at home..damn..iv been bulimic for 3 years sia..well on the bright side bulimic people are prone to not bein able to have babies...so thats good...juz freakedlah...esp wen people tell me bout people who die...wait what m i sayin..im juz bulimic..not anorexic...crazy...oklah oklah...wanna eat again
*so sweet..tk n yiwen r back together..saw his frenster profile....thinkin bout it..when we were together it was like as though he was embarassed by me..like if any of his frenz saw us together itll b a bad thing..no wonder it took me so long to open up to him..ah well..ok ok..im gonna make this promise...im not gonna talk about him in this blog at all for 5 days(cant help it weekends i tend to b all emolah)...promise ok..if i break it...then ill have to err ask idham out on a date n actualli go out with him*yerkh*
posted by naddz @ 3:59 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home