Monday, January 10, 2005

I feel so terrible...my throat hurts my back is gettin screwed up again...my head is pounding..im so not gonna go skewl...wanna go get mc then go out sumwher...i juz gota b alone..esp after last night...dunno y i got all emotional n upset...hell i havnt cried for so long n yest it just flowed n flowed...dunno wad came over me..been gaining weit..becoming bulimic,a friggin pillhead ...good huh...im so an incarnation of marissa...just with more guy drama hell just more drama...god i feel like crap..i was tellin din how funny it was...iv got 4 guys after me..all wonderful in their own ways but i cant bring myself to like em or get close to them...i know its not fair to them but i just dont wna get hurt n well end up like another dj n marissa...i know its stupid to keep waiting around..but i guess ur stupid when it comes to the one u love..i just wanna stop this bloody pain..the crying,hating myself,wondring what i couldv done to prevent it or to make it right..it bloddy sucks at skool...the one thing i dont want is to see him cos it just makes it harder yet everywher i turn i end up seeing him..yet its so obvious it doesnt affect him at all..why cos hez fine with it..cos hez moving on...cos hez not a fool like me to have faith in sumthin that doesnt exist anymore..shit i hate crying..i just wanna die actualli..just want out of all this...stop all this pain..well i did try to do it once n hell it felt good...u feel all lightheaded and woozy...dunola..i dont know what im doing or sayin anymore..i thought i was fine with all this..guess i just miss him...i juz wanna scream out now!!!!!

posted by naddz @ 7:46 AM

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