Friday, December 03, 2004

letting go..not gona try when i know it wont matter...i mean...if he is realli worrid bout his mum knowin then y in da world didnt he tink of it in da 1st place...y didnt he tink of the consequences when he 1st got together with me...y now say that he doesnt like lying to his mum when hez been doin it all along...he sez keepin things from her is oso the same..then what about everythin thats happend between us...hez seemed fine with not tellin his mum bout it ...now that im thinkin bout it i know that hes hiding sumthin act i juz know that he doesnt wanna be with me at all..hez juz bein nice by doin wad hez doin n tellin me all that...i know when its time to let go of sumthing n i think i should just do it now...i know itll take time for me to get through this n that it will hurt me bad but at least i wont think so much about it...iv got my job...school...so at least i wontt think so much bout him...or this...im glad im not quitting...at least iv got other things to concentrate my energy on...this is killing me but well what can i do about it..i cant change how he feels...if the love is gone..then whats the use in holding on...a part of me wants to keep holding on but if he thinks that our relationship doesnt mean anithing to him for him to at least giv it a chance then y do i keep on trying only to get shot down by him...he used to b the one so sure that we will last...n now hes the one giving up...i dun even know y i let myself bliev him when he sed that it will last n y i let myself bliev that he will never leave when in the end he did...he gave up...i know that i still love him but i know that i have to move on...forget everythin..the memories...how it all started..our 1st time out together...the day we got together...everything that happend between us...its better to juz let go..the memories will just hurt me more...

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