Saturday, October 30, 2004

Ashlee Simpson-Love makes the world go round
Here, here i am again
And im starin at these same four walls, alone again
And now, all the colors blend
And im growing numb and I've become this empty page
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
My broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
My love, look at what you've done to me
For someone who has felt so strong
It's amazing I'm completely gone
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
My broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
If that's the kind of love you give me
I'd rather be alone, believe me
It's not the way you 'posed to treat me
I'd rather walk away
I just wanna talk to you
My broken heart just has no use
And I, I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that im the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round, yeah
You say love makes the world go 'round
Everytime you try to tell me
I dont care you're not the only
Dont you know I'm coming back around

Friday, October 29, 2004

damn...i hate weekends...the woman will b around but im so gona go out..but go out with h sia...esp since now shalin,matt are gone n well dan is leavin soon..patna n diana are alwez out with their significant others...n hez got scouts so cant meet him...n plus he oso dun wanna meet me so nvm ah...alah...since rahmat asked me out juz go out with him la...its either dat or go out alone...at least rahmat wants to meet me so since he wants to then ill meet him ah..


bored..so took a pic of myself..cute ryttt hahaha Posted by Hello

Thursday, October 28, 2004

woohoooo!!!!I got the simple plan album!!!!yeehah!!!sure im uber broke now..but thats the price to pay if i wanna get my favourite bands new cd...n it rocks!!!im like half typing half dancin now...love most of the songs but my fav is "promise"....its so them...but they do hev more emo songs compared to the 1st album but i aint complainin...nwe..got the cd at hmv citylink...tried tower but dun have(tak guna)..then went to hmv..i tot prolly dun hev...so i listend to the mamma mia soundtrack...suddenli he came up to me n wuz like "dun hev simple plan ah"..n i was like..ah well...wait a few more days...skali.....he takes out the cd...i was so damn close to screaming my head off...haha...oso bought ashlee simpsons cd...pun powerr...so worth the brokeness....nwe yest went out with him...wanted to look 4 a job but malas...(what els is new eh)...then walkd arnd with him...decided to go back..supposed to go geylang after buka but i got real sick so couldnt go...prolly gonna go today thou...me wanna buy baju lah..
well..him n me are oryt..not much probs...other than my occasional bitchiness ryt ryt ryt...haha...surprisingli this entire time i hvnt like been all *blergh* cos we cant kiss n stuff..dun even notice anithin..haha...oh my god...nadiah has lost her testosterone!!!!!!call 911 quick....hahahhaha...ok ok..im nutz...then again...it is part of my name...actualli ah...im realli happi...sure each time i gota break fast out alone cos he cant break fast out it sux but its not as if he has a choice...plus i lied to my mom so naturalli i cen stay out....hmm..ok lah..enough updatin for now..wanna go jump arnd now...Simple Plan RULES!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 25, 2004


Spike.

Who's your male Buffy soul mate?
brought to you by

hah..thank god i got spike...cant imagine myself with angel or any of those other wimps

Sunday, October 24, 2004

weirdly enough..this whole week..i feel like iv been alone when im with people...i dun wanna say that things arent diffrent...but they are..everynight i juz end up crying myself to sleep n like i dunno..im just feeling like well distant from him and evryone else...hell...i dont know whats happening between us...its like as thou he doesnt even bother anymore..i don't even know what im suposed to do now...i dont know what to tell him...how to tell him..hell part of me just wants to give up and let go...i mean if he doesnt feel the same way i feel then why am i still holding on to something that isnt there anymore.. its funni..when i say i miss him its not miss him being around...its more of i miss him fully..its like he'z around physically but not really around u kno...i hate feeling this way...it feels as though theres no more hope...i know he cares but things just feel diffrent..i cant pinpoint what it is but it just does...im dont expect him to do anything or say anything and i dont want him to do something like suggest us meeting just cos he doesnt want me being upset or whatever...if he doesnt want it id rather not go through with it..like i sed..id rather walk away..n i dun even expect anything anymore..i only end up getting disappointed in the end n then i take out my anger n upsetness on him n well thats something i oredi told myself not to do anymore.....

i know when sumone is only using me to get what they want...then why do i still let em do it...go figure....

hmm...these past few days hev been great..stuck at home with my mom yelling at me n telling me to do this and that...n goin out job hunting with dan...then go back to sumore nagging n yelling...hmm..how fun ah...dunno whats going on anymore...juzt hate being at home..n well my frenz n others seem to forget i exist...so i dunnola...wanna go geylang and well go with who....yeah got my cuzzins but theres so much of them i can take...shuldv so gone with shalin that time...but he n i had dat damn fyt...n like i juzt didnt have the mood to go...regrettin dat descision oredi...ah well..ill juz go myself..seems that iv been alone a lot recently...no change from the rest of my life huh...

i loveeee this song!!!its so meaningful actualli....simple plan rocks!!gonna buy their album later...broke broke..i wan their cd i dun care!!!!

Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like
Welcome to my life

Friday, October 22, 2004

weeehooooo!!!xams are over!!!oveerrr!!!!overr!!!!!finalli..no more stress..cen relax....nwe...juz now after xam went home...got sum sleep then met him....went to buka at fc...it wuz fun hangin with him...no more xam stress n all that stuff...m so happi...now onli gota wait for ramadan to finish...onli 3 more weeks...damn..like so long sia...oh nvm..il survive...juz muz find myself a job...realli need one man...if not no money...n dats gonna suck to the max...oh yeah remind me to take my msn addy away from the friendster thing...dun wan weirdos suddenli addin me...yikes...sum guy frm nus juz added me n after chattin for like an hour suddenli wants to ask me on a date...like eh???hahaha...n even when i told him i was atachd...classic sia...hmm..damn..suddenli sleepie.....wanna pike a while...later...oh yeah n baby...
jus wanna say i had a good time juz now....realli sorry i was a pain recently...n well...wow..3 months huh...haha...amazin u survived me....haha...love u ***muakhz***

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

haha ok ok...so mayb i was overeacting...pms lah...sorry baby...n evryone else for puttin u throu all that crapp...haha..that wuz mentally unbalanced nadiah...the normal one has returned so never fear....speakin of wic...normal nadiah needs some sleep now..catcha later...kisses all arnd..(god thats soooo like bimbo...hahah)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

shitlah...bloody dont know a thing about bloody thermofluid...tryn to get someone to teach me but everyones like got their own thing n lyns hp is gone case so how to get her...the one who was supposed to teach me convienientli forgot so typically i honestly cannot be bothered anymore...hell i myself think im kidding myself by being in this damn course...i dun even know y i chose this anymore...maybe khalids family is right..i should b in nursing or sum lame course typically for girls...n surayahs prob ryt too..im juz useless...god...im fuckin stressed out ryt now....at least the 1st semester wasnt that bad cos akash helped me out for ams...craplah...mayb i shuld juz not turn up....i cant take this anymore...n the way hez actin is makin it worst...all i do is cry stop myself from cryn try to studi..cry again...craplah...i dunno y i fooled myself into all of this...its all my fault...such a moron to think that things could possibly b diffrent this time...this term....when i alwez end up screwing life up for me for others...i hate this...why didnt my mom have an abortion when she had the freaking chance...screw this...screw my life...just screw it!!!!!now if u xcuse me there are a few bottles of pills with my name on em...

Monday, October 18, 2004

things are diffrent..i can totally feel it...and well it hurts..a lot...i dont even know whats happening anymore...sometimes i wonder how can anyone ever know if its really the one...god..i cant even think straight anymore...couldnt studi or sleep last nyt...dun even know whats gonna happen on wed...i hate feeling this way..this helpless...n this insignificant...i juz somehow wish i oso dunno...he doesnt get it i know...i guess its just me huh...hell its alwez me..the big screw up...

god..i cant sleep at all..been awake this whole time thinkin bout wad happend with him...i know its my fault..n i feel so damn bad for all the times i wuz moody or angry n took it out on him...well i did make a promise that whatever im feelin i wont show it or xpress it nimore...juz b happy nadiah all the time...so i wont trouble him nimore...3 months of my crap is enough..hell hafiz couldnt stand less dan a month how do u tink he feels...i so wanna go sleep but not onli is my period drivin me nuts but arggh...im so stressed n worried...cos i feel theres sumthin more to it.. juz feel it...n id rather he tell me n hurt me than keep it from me..hell i kinda feel dat he myt actualli not hev feelins for me n doesnt wanna hurt me by tellin me...if thats the truth then id rather know th

Saturday, October 16, 2004

arggh...i hate mental blocks!!!!esp when i hev xams....yes i had one...a damn bloddi freakin mental block when i was havin my maths xams..hello i can do limits ok..i know i cen..suddenli juz now cennot do...hell i culdnt do a lotta da qns i could do...im so on da verrge of crying...argh...this blowslah...n im havin a pimple outbreak..feel like kerapp

Friday, October 15, 2004

this is so me isnt it...

My Happy Ending
by Avril Lavigne

:
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending


You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending



i cant do this..dont know y i thought i could...i wanna study but i cant...i wanna just run off a cliff or sumthin..i just dunno y my brain alwez just shuts off at this time...arrggh...im so freaked out n scared of failing...but i just cannot studi...this blowslah....

Monday, October 11, 2004

sic n tired lah...dun even know y people bother trying so hard also...when it onli hurts them more

Friday, October 08, 2004

urgh..today wuz a flop...couldnt get up untill like 12 sumthin..dunno y today just felt so crappy...i felt crappy too...went to skool to hand in project..then took bus to tamp n met shalin n patna...then tawaffed tm with shalin n went to starbucks for coffee...of all people to turn up there wuz syco n haris aka retard haha...chatted to retard a while...kinda funni ah...n then her mom picked her up n i took a cab back..wuz dead tired ah......she n i were talkin n well i realised...if he wasnt my boyfrenz n stuff...he couldprolly qualify as 1 of my best frenz(bsides shalin n matt)...now that fathrul is well gone...sad when i think bout how close fat n i were..i mean we knew each other since like what pri 4 n were best frenz since sec 1 till poly n suddenli we juz drifted apart...gotta admit i do miss him sumtymz esp when i go kinokunya,borders... still remember how we can spend hours there n how i went against my "never wear skool clothes in town" rule when we went ther durin da sec 4 june hols...those were da days...n my 17th bdae with him n helmi...n my small crush on helmi n how he wuz soo into the idea of us bein a couple..hahaha...classic...anyway...back to my baby..like..iv never been dis comfortable with the guy im datin(since hafiz)n well...yeah i may hev a lotta doubts sumtymz...he alwez seems to know wad to say to clear em...what can i say...im i lurvve...hahaha..crazy..i know....

Thursday, October 07, 2004

well..things between me n him are okay now...act i dun even know y i was bhavin well like an anal bitch recentli...prolly cos since the day my wallet went missin i dunno things between him n me hev been a bit diffrent...hvnt realli spent a lotta tym with him...n with all the added stress i guess iv been takin it out on him...all i cen say is baby im sooo soo sorry....for pushin u away n being moody n mean to u....i know i dont show it but i really do love u...anyways...yest..i did kinda take out my anger on him juz b4 leavin skool...i know i know...its amazin he didnt dump me ryt after that...we all know how bitchy i cen b ryt....nwez....he was still so sweet to me after dat....n well i met shalin n lydiana...at raffles city subway n had a salad ther...(dietlah...)n then we walked to ps...along the way stopped at places to take pictures(raffles city toilet(dun ask),art museum...in front of sum horse statue)..it wuz so fun i tell ya...miss hangin out with juz the girls...looong time since we did that...nwe from da tym at raffles we did hev conversations bout our bfs exes...the syco ones..the normal ones...hahaha...n well...haha...compared to their boyfrenz...my baby is well a saint..hahahah..serious...the stories i hear...all i cen say is...my frenz rock haha(dun tell my mom)...hehz...nwe..we went to john little at ps to look for rattlebooties(or sumthin like dat) for matt n kylies baby n haha i saw get this...catwoman barbie doll!!!n there wuz wonder woman,supergirl n batgirl(love her)...oso got spongeboblahh...n like they even had the kid dolls of get this...scooby doo characters!!!!aint that soo damn kewl...haha....i so wanna get 1 tomorow when he n i go out...still dunno wad thou..then we went to carrefoure...walk walk.. take pic of crab(dun ask)...n shalin n i were testin the perfumes n lotions(i tried this raspberry{haha used to call nazir dat}n kiwi one n damn i smelled good)n she sprayed this adidas one on me n haha kept on smellin me n goin"u smell like jamie"hahaha...(jamie her boyfren huz still in aussie"...oh oh n u know wat...jamie wants to convvert!!!n not juz cos he wants to marry her...she sed he seems to b reall reall intrested in it...n well he even stopped drinkin all..n she didnt ask him too...damn..he rocks...im so happy she found him..andrew can go mamposlah...ok then we walked to heeren..went annex..i ran into liyana but shalin wuz like "walk walk walk"...hahahah..wad else is new...n then walked all the way to wheelock to get what else...pina colada..duhh...n lepakkd ther till 9...saw a LOT of uber skinny chicks sia...n well i gota admit..my bod well could go down but on a whole i act kinda like it...at least not like walkin satay stick...anyway..went home after n chatted with him a while...stayd up after that....still up...but kinda sleepi...nvm..wait till she go skool then pengsan a while...dunno wads up with me tummy hurts a lot..like gastric like dat....eno!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

..trying not to show how i feel..pretending im ok when im crying deep inside...so much easier wen i was alone...if its changed just let me know..no point pretending when its already gone...iv been through worst..hell my own father walked out on me so this will just be the same...nothing can get to me anymore...too many heartbreaks..too many disapointments...no surprise why i dun have any faith is guys...like i said last week.......i dun wan sum1 stayin with me out of obligation or pity....if u dun feel anithin juz tell me...its better to hurt me now than lead me on n hurt me even more...sumtymz i dunno y i let myself fall for when i know im just setting myself up for heartbreak...iv alwez told myself..nothing lasts...no matter how hard u try things will alwez alwez fall apart..yet i let myself give in n fall for him...see where that landed me...i should just accept that im meant to be alone...just like my mom....i was jusst too stupid n didnt wanna listen to myself...well now im not gonna b stupid anymore...im not gonna let sum guy do nithin to me...im gonna concentrate on other things...like da xams...shalin being back...rahmat coming back..yeah he emaild...n hez comin back...mentiond wantin to get together with me (not in that sense..thou he did mention it a lot)n well..he sez he myt b in town for good so yay...another close fren is back...hey if things fall apart i know i wont b a wreck like i was when hafiz was concerned...cos at least im anticipating this...hell after wat i saw on the phone last wed...to me nithin cen happen....i shouldv seen that i was nothin more than a mere replacement for sum1 unreachable....thing is....a part of me feels that he loves me n knows that too..but a part is like doubtful...i dunno these past week has been crazy...with my wallet missing n me feeling so damn lost without it...no wallet..no student card no nothing...i dunno wad im gonna do sia...n then he seems so like whatever...i dunt even know how to act...so wad to do...put up my ice queen front n treat him like crap...onli way i can think of so that i wont break down right there and then...wic iv almost done on several occasions...alah dunnolah...can i juz give up!!

Sunday, October 03, 2004

i dont know why i always do this...i just cant seem to stop hurting those i love...i wanna tell em whats wrong but i just cant..im not good with feelingslah...now hez pissed at me n i dunno wad to do...i wasnt mad at all just now...juz bummed out that it was raining n the thought of going home wuz irksome....sumtymz i tink im better off alone...then i wont hurt anyone...since thats what im alwez good at right...everytime im having a mood ill take it out on him...im so sorry baby...maybe ur better off without me...hate the fact that i keep on hurtin u all the time...