How i felt n mayb still unconciously feel....
Jauh
Hari kulalui tanpa hadirmu lagi
Kucoba ingkari, sepi ini....
Mengapa terjadi, hancur kau akhiri
Satu kata janji tak kembali
S’ribu tanya sesak di dada
Haruskah bimbang meraja
Lelah tepis harapanku
Sendiri mencari bayangmu....
Kutunggu... dirimu...
Selalu kutunggu
Walaupun kutahu
Kau jauh, kutahu.... kau jauh...
Biarlah semua seperti apa adanya
Kuterus mencoba relakannya
Satu yang kuminta, kembalilah padanya
Kutahu disana, ada dia....
Luka lama
Kurentangkan hati,
kubalut luka lama saat kau pergi
Kutegarkan diri,
walau bayangmu hadir di setiap mimpi
Oh haruskah, kubenamkan diri meratapi
Tenggelam sesali yang terjadi
Tersiksa bersama hampa asa
Kini... kuhanya ingin lupakan semua
Mengenangmu menyesakkan jiwa
‘Kan kuhapus airmata,
hingga kudapat sembuhkan luka...
Kucoba hadapi, walau pahit terasa di relung hati
Harus kulewati, seakan semua tiada pernah terjadi...
Oh haruskah, kubenamkan diri meratapi
Tenggelam sesali yang terjadi
Tersiksa bersama hampa asa..
like i sed..this was how i felt..n each time i listen to da song i juz get all awww..no not teary juz like..a bit upset i guess...normallah..sumtymz wen i tink bout fiz oso i get that...now what song ah...haha i know...Kelly Clarkson-Since uv been gone!!!!sooo my song ah...oh n My happy ending..like duhh
Arrgggh!!!!!CHECK OUT THE SONG!!!!!!yesssah!!!its simple plan s-promise...my ULTIMATE favourite songgg!!!listenin to it now..damn..i feel like dancing oredi...its such a fun son duncha tink haha...ok ok..im verry happy n veerrry da sleepy...wheeeee...yess im soo happi..im lovin this week..well minus the calamaties involvin rahmat,my ezlink card,spiked pina colda n well other stuff..ah well...tomorow..or shuld i say today...i myt b goin for a gig with shafiee,aaron n hari...yes i know..aaron as in aaron wong sumthin sumthin la...forgot oredi lah...soooo long ago wen i liked him hahahaha...but b4 that gonna go help din choose his bag..haha...soo cartoonla that guy...like the irritatinli selenge little bro i never had..n dis lach actualli suggested that i shuld start likin him!!!ARE U KERAZEE!!!!!no wayyyy...that can never everr everr happen...its din..yikes...its like suggestin i fall for my own brother...ryt now i admit i do kinda find a couple of guys reaali realli cute...namely vijay(sssh dun tell ni1 ahahaha),that malay guy from mt automation tech class(no wonder i never skip ryt),orlando bloom*haha*,sebastian frm simple plan*hehz*...but like i sed i wanna b alone for now...ok ok i admit it blows bein single in a couples world...but im enjoyin it...hangin with my girlfrenz(or more like girlfren)...n juz bein by myself..goin fc alone..goin sentosa n stuff..sure they totalli remind me of him but that was b4..iv gotta admit im dealin with this well now..i mean..iv not cried in 2 weeks..i still do feel like *sigh*...but after a while im ok..i kno im able to get through it..so wheeeee...im strrong man...hahha...ok..nutzo oreedilahh...
woohoo!!!check out my blog song...I Nadiah Bte whatshis name uploaded the song ALL BY MYSELF *wheeeeeee* sure the song b4 this was MY song but hell i uploaded THIS song..so muz put it up leh!!!hahahaha...ok ok 4 am lah..i sleepi oredi....enjoy da song...once iv got SImpLe PlAns Promise uploaded its soooooo goin up....again again again(so teletubies hahaha what to do im stoned oredi).....*wheEeeEEEeeeEEEeee*
heylooo..MERRY XMAS!!!!i kno i kno im a muslim..not supposed to celebrate..but well im juz sharin the happiness with my frenz...its like when i open my house to my non muslim frenz on hari raya..its da same on xmas...i come over...we eat..xchange pressies...n oh my god!!!i got this beautiful silver bracelet like the one i lost last year on my bdae yest in da mail..dunno hu sent it...and danny got me the lotr extended dvd..haha yes iv got it so im givin my copy to my cuzzin...kno faizal has been eyeing it yes...anyway speakin of danny im here now...cooked dinner for him,natalie,his parents his bro n sum fren of natalie's...whats his name..oh yeah trey....kinda cute actualli..got the whole bad boy brooding thing goin on for him..reminds me of ryan...wearin my black wifebeater and u2 skirt with my doc martens new bracelet,pink beads,my hair is like one art piece thaks to dannys styling and my freakin tattoo is drivin me nuts...ok ok b4 u all freak goin "nadiahs got a tatoo"quick call the psyic!!!!haha its a fakazoid tattolah...not gonna go to rahmat's thou...dun tink i can face him without remembering thursday night's erm mistake..n thats a subtle way of putting it..god i cant bliev it happend..argh..ok ok..thats a stori for another day....im gonna concentrate on skewl..myself...havin fun..cos iv onli got a few more months here b4 i gota liv with khalid god knows where...
in the cad room now...doin my cadm...love it too much ah...and at least if i get my hw done ill b one relaxed n happi camper...n well im waitin for adam..hez gonna pass me money..clever me spent like 20 bucks at the darn bazaar*so much for not buyin anithin ryt.
anyway today was fun...AT class rocked...finishd damn earli..the ate with wei qin, ivan, galex ++ ..forgot how fun it it to hang with them..went to the bazaar..got like loadsa jewelry..*n i wanna get like 2 bikinis and a dress*..then went to pqs..slept the whole tym did the project a while..yakked for a long tym then left..now im in this room...typing haha..
goin to paya lebar later..yes to make a total fool of myself..act i kno hez not gona turn up..waiiit.. stop..halt..i tot i aint gonna talk bout this..focus gal focus...listenin to celine dion now..thats the way it is..haha..thanks to rahmat..he reckons hez never seen me this much in denial b4..well other than the nazir time hahaha..now im this close to dancin arnd the room..yes i kno im nutzo so sue me..
oh yeah..hev i mentiond dat i came to skewl wit a file!!yes a file with all my stuff..no humongous bag..haha...*wow* ryt..n im usin my year 1 u2 jeans wich now are loose on me..compared to last tym so dats a good thing..*YAYY*..even yest hari sed i lost a lotta weit..so *Grin*..its good havin frenz who stress u out so much u never eat n when u finalli do u eat just a little bit..n frenz who make u walk n walk n walk arnd onli to come back to the place u originalli started out from haha...
whoa..finalli i feel realli cold..but i dun mind..lovin doin my cadm..i alwez tot it was that subject that i once helped hafiz with..the quizzez that 1...damn dat was funni..esp wen he found out i did a lot for him...that was sweet act how he reacted..hmm..come to think about it he was sweet...waited for me,met me unda my block b4 skewl...sent me home..made sure syco didnt try nithin funni..sure he was bad at the whole pujuk crap but he had his own way of doin it..n it well workd..can still remember that time when i lost my wallet..he called up lukman n was there for me..cos he knew wad crap i was goin throu...and all those tymz we hung out after my s&w..and the 1st tym we went pastamania...classic...and the whole cleavage thing*shalin wuld kno*...still culdnt bliev how he knew the effect pc had on me...goon...sad dat we had that misundastandin n ended up not talkin...but im happi im over hafiz..sure it took almost an year but at least it happend..good to have clousure...guess dats wat i want now..if he doesnt show at least iv got clousure....n i kno its lettin go time...ok my fons vibratin..dats the cuzzin callin....peace out my lovelies....
*ps to those who have been there for me listenin to my crap this past month thanks...uv given me loads of encouragement n support and u tolerated my ranting n constant talkin bout him...it realli means a lot to me..and im glad iv got frenz like u guys..*hugs*
cant blive i did what i did today..was such a moron..well as for tomorow...99.9% i tink he wont turn up...wad can i say...iv got espn...but ill just go anyway..any reason for me to just end up cryin again huh...today was supposed to b our 5th month...if we were together...but we're not...urgh..evry1 tells me to forget him...get sum1 new but y isit so hard for me to forget him..nothin is holdin me back..i juz gota move on..not like as if thers no1 else hu wants to b with me..i juz love him...n i hate myself for being such a weakling..i shuld get shotlah
my new handphone...but in black..nice rytt
*Invisible*
juz got home...slept a while...cant sleep thou...kept on wakin up to see if hez onlyn...i kno i kno he wont b up..juz wanted to try my luck...god i dunno wad to do...i actualli wanted to mayb try tellin him how i feel again today but i decided not to do it...y...1 word..friday..each tym i take the train with him or sumthin it feels so damn weird..its like as thou he delibrateli ignores me..n like dat tym wen we went to bugis..i felt so left out...thank god lach wuz around...mayb i shuld juz get outta his life for good...i mean if he realli doesnt like being near me or arnd me then y shuld i care so much anymore...i wanted a sign from him anything to show that mayb juz mayb he still feels the same but i doubt it...mayb i shuld juz move on...i mean..."garfield" wants to b with me...n well mayb i shuld juz giv it a shot...kb askd me who i wanna b with now...n well i wanna b with sop...god..i keep repeatin da same old thing...oh damn it...im gonna let go now...its time...im done with cryin myself to sleep...remembering everything we had...its time i sold myold handphone...its good all the msgs frm him were saved on the phone..not the card so i cant read the old smses...
Sophan
if ur readin this wic i doubt I juz wanna say that well im sorry for everything For how everythin turned out I promised myself i wont cry wen i write this so i wont From now on i tink things btwn us will prob b like things btwn me n hafiz I dont know if thats what u want Its not waht i want but at the rate things are goin The way it seems liike u dun wanna b near me Mayb its best I dont wanna b around u onli to b treated like i dont exist I know ur prob happier now U certainli look happpier now So i dont wana stand in your way
U weren't my 1st love but well i did love u And i still do But well its been a month and well its time I read an old entry of myn wen i sed i was glad i stayed back Well now I take that back..the 4 months with u may contained the happiest times in my life but a part of wishd i never had to go through it I wish i never met u sumtymz Wish i had stayed alone So i wuldnt hev to go through this pain Each time i see u i wanna reach out but i know its useless Each time i do i get rejected Makes me wonder why sum idiots fall in love That’s y I never wanted 2 fall in love…don’t see the use Sum1 will alwez end up getting hurt N im sick of it sick of crying sick or wondering sick
I was doing fine on my own Fine doing everything alone Fine not needin anyone but u came along U made me happi Made me look forward to every single day Evertym im with u I feel like everythin is perfect Yeah I did make mistakes but theyre called mistakes for a reason Act I blame myself Shuldv known better than to have added u on friendster n msn It was a stupid move N even stupider was likin u and falling in love with u Cos in the end we both ended up getting hurt Whats the point I myt as well i just leave
Ill still remember everythin the 1st time we went out That tuesday on the train The 1st kiss when u missed like 2 busses Fort canning That Barney Song Sentosa Chattin on msn for hours Me stickin my tongue out @ u when u least expect it Hangin out at my place Funan's kfc/pizzahut/taco bell Irobot Istana park The wonderful way u alwez seem to know how to make me feel better What to say and do to make me realize wad a putz i am to doubt u when i alwez do The times wen I was at work missin u like crazy wenever I was hopin to see u but well I never get to
To that Tuesday wen u smsd me I culdnt sleep at all I wanted to shoot myself for sayin those things on my blog to make u so pissed I tot it was better on Thursday But it wasn’t I misunderstood everythin again n on Friday it was worse Then durin the chalet on Monday I felt a glimmer of hope again But u dashed em again on Tuesday From the time u sed it was over till now iv been either cryin myself to sleep or not sleepin at all Reverted back to my old ways of dealing with pain I honestly hate myself and life itself but im not one of those loons to contemplate suicide
Argh Heck it lah I dun wanna start crying again Im just tryn to say that im walkin outa ur life now For good. You don’t have to pretend to like being around me I wish u all the happiness in the world & I no longer hope n pray for us to even b frenz I can see that u urself cant b bothered to treat me like one
Ill juz remain invisible to u
*fReeZIng*
bloody hell..its so damn bloody cold in my freakin class..so shuldv brought my xtra thick sweater...now im frezzin my tushi off...*brrr*
now in my engin drawin class...luv da lecturer...lets us off damn earli all da time...but now cant wait to get out...i cant take the cold!!!!
gonna buy myself a new phone later..the nokia 7260..been wantin it for a long tym..finali gettin it today..that or an ipod...realli want it n hey im gonna get it so yay...
yesterday was a fun fun fun day...started off bein earli surprisinli...then after class i was walkin past a room nearby n guess who was inside gues guess....muhamad hafiz bin selamat...hahaha...well he was in his typical white jersey n well i gota admit he looked good with his spiky hair..yes i still got the whole spiky haird guys intrest..no im not intrested in him..i think..mayb rebound or sumthin i dunno...yalah i still love *u kno hu*..but im not doin nithin bout this..i know he wants his space so ill give it to him...sucks wenever im with him n i cant hug him or whatever but im dealin with it..havnt been cryin since monday..good ryt..
theres a point in time when one has to just get over oneself n well kick themself back to reality...and reality is he doesnt love me and iv got that into my system...hell i tot of givin up the whole love shit but y shuld i..ok malas to get into this
anyway..didnt see hafiz the whole day nimore*sob* but saw him while he left skool n i was goin for my last class...
after skool went to paya lebar to meet the monyet..got my cap back from him n went to meet yiwen n her fren at ps...
ate at gelare..*damn the waffle there rocks* n then watchd without a paddle..haha dat show was classic...n matthew lillard is actualli real hot...
*luv my cuzzin*
adam got me the fon...without the line!!!!how wonderful is tat...he ruls sia...got the black 1 so now we both got almost da same fons hahahaha..nwe b4 dat met lach n makand at pastamania..yes idham wuz werkin...anyway..hu cares huh...got my pay...bloddy hell got $191.60...only sia..haiz....damn sian ah...dun wanna tink bout it ah..
nwe got the phone at m1...then went to meet my frenz for a while b4 goin back..damn im so hapi..got my phone...next is ipod...whoopie
it sucks
seeing u in skool & not being able to say hi
not being able to be in ur arms
not seeing u smile at me
not being with u
not knowing how u feel about me
how can u pretend like everythings fine
how can u look like u dont care at all
dont i mean anything to u
dont u remember how these 5 months were like
i do & i hate each tym i remember em
i made mistakes
i did em over n over again
but that doesnt mean i dont care
i love u so much althou it isnt obvious
i need u even thou i pretend i dont
i miss u even thou i look like i dont care
u broke my heart wen u walked away from me
when i was with u everything felt so right
now everythings fading from my sight
ur makin me crazy missing u
but i know it will never be
so i have to let u go..
Jay Chou - An Jing
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
Shui jiao de da ti qin
An Jing de jiu jiu de
Wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai
Wo dong wo ye zhi dao
Ni mei you she bu de
Ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin
Qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi cheng jin
Xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
Chorus
Ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
Wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
Wei she me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
Wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
Bu yong dan xin de tai duo
Wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
Ni yi jin yuan yuan li kai
Wo ye hui man man zou kai
Wei she me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
Wo zhen de mei you tian fen
An jing de mei zhe me kuai
Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
even when sly sang dis durin the finals..and i didnt know the meanin of the words it still made me cry...sorta as thou it had a connection to me...n now i know whad the lyrics mean then i know it has a connection..i dun wanna show the translation but i know what it means n haha im sure galex knows ryt ryt...haha...oklah..i better go..got major hang over frm yest...had a drink too many i tink...gotta get sum sleep
heres an update on recent days events...hate fridays in sch..finish at bloody 5...wen da 1 pm class ended saw hafiz walkin outa skool...gota admit he did look good...then da nxt class wuz oryt..i like my amd lecturer...hez cool..nwe..i almost lost him for good today..yes idiot me...typical ryt...n yest on da train saw shahree..he saw me too but usualli i tink...whateverlah..then when i logged on friendster i got a msg frm him sia..replied n today he msgd again..aparantli he rememberd me.."the gal hu wishd him gud luck for his o levels"...chatted on msn..n all i cen say is ..flirt much...on his partlah...his appeal is gone so well urgh...nwe...rented love actualli,return of the king,le divorce n sum thai movie..gonna watch dis weekend..boredlah...
my life is goin down the friggin drain..i dunno wads goin on nimore..well i know that there is definiteli sumthin more goin on with him...i mean like therz sumthin else..i feel it...n well now when im with him i dun feel nithing frm him...n all he does b4 he leaves is juz kiss me on da friggin forehead!!evrytym i watch him walk away it just hurts...i dunno why i gota go through this everyday...yest it was like as thou i dun even exist...it damn hurt..but i cant stop lovin him...sure i admit it..i do still find hafiz well appealing..saw his pic on frenster with his sis(tink one of the twins)..soo sweet sia..hell..i dun hev feelins for da guy nimore..n well as for idham...well yerkh...haha...i kno im kinda good at hidin my feelins for him n i kno he wont read my blog so iv got nothin to worry bout...i dont wanna ruin things by tryn to talk to him about it..he oredi told me time n time again that he doesnt wanna discuss about it anymore...so fine i wont discuss about it...i just wish that if there is sumthin...sum1...else he shuld tell me...i realli want him to tell me stuff esp if sumthins goin on...i mean wer frenz ryt...argh...god why do i feel this way..i just have to let go n 4get him..hell i gota stop writin bout this here...its gettin a bit old u kno...argh i gota stop..seriousli...if other people can get over broken relationships then i can too...its stupid..when im with him it feels terrible cos its realli as thou hez not "there"..but when im not i cant help wondder what hez doin...what hez thinkin...if hez even tinkin of me...stupid ryt...argh..god...hell i even wonder if hez smsin sum other gal..cmon its his choice ryt...wer not together...watchd da o.c juz now n in the show summer broke up with seth well cos her dad didnt like him n its like he was like "i dun care about ur dad..i care about u..a lot..and if thats not enough for u..well obviously thats not good enough for u"...now...thats how i feel..he doesnt see how much i love him and well now i dunno why he still hangs with me..what does he feel obligated to me cos of what happnd between us??i dunno...i realli wish i knew what he was tinkin..wad hez feelin cos this is juz gonna drive me bonkers...when i see hafiz im like *swoon* like yest but subconciousli i was checkin out his reaction to it...why sia!!!argh...lyk yest he didnt even msg me after..not even wen he was gonna sleep..argh..dun wanna tink bout it lah...
Your Beauty liesin Contradiction. Controversial, unpredictable, and
never what anyone expects.You appearance and your personality are two
opposite things. Even yourappearance sends different signals to different
people. To some you may lookinnocent and sweet, to others you look mysterious
and intimidating at the sametime. No one ever knows what to expect with you.
You are a little bit ofeverything all mixed together. You can be watching
the football game with theguys one minute and the next out shopping at the
mall. You seem to be almost adifferent person every time you meet someone, but
at the same time you knowexactly who you are and there is always that one
thing that makes you you. Youenjoy keeping people guessing and people love how
completely unpredictable youare.
Some ThingsThat Represent You:
Element:Fire, Water Animal: Chameleon Color:
Dark Tones, LightTones Song: Everything by Alanis Morriesette
Expression:Half-smile
Gemstone:Opal Mythological Creature: Gryphon,
Half-breeds Planet: Mars Hair
Color: Red Eye Color:Brown
Quote:"Appearances can be deceiving."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by
in class now...CADM...a bit like ECAD last sem but with a better lecturer...yes not pang..thank god..if i got him ill kill myself..or him..gonna meet yiwen ltr durin my break...at 1st didnt wanna go...but she told me itll b ok so i m gna go...dun wanna go werk oso but if i dun go then total 100 bucks deducted sia...dats like 25 hours of werk down the drain for me...if 10 i dun mind...but 25...no way man...dunnolah...see 1st..if got mood ill go down..if not im juz tellin him i got skool till earliest 730 n a bit redundant if i go for werk..cant b bothered ah...well ill cont ltr...
ok..so skeewl juz started n i gota admit...not being with 1t04..now 1t02...kinda well definitely suks..no more ivan calling the lecturer cute or juz being damn iritating...no more kah boon bein well kah boon....n yes no more him...at 1st i was hating it...not bein able to sit next to him...look at him n juz smile when i tink of how much i love him..holdin his hand...but iv got mus...haha hangin with him was fun sia...n well the other classmates were pretty nice too...i mean undastandablelah...they hav been together for the past 3 semesters n now suddenli i join...itll b weird ryt...i kept on wantin n wantin to sms him but after a while i decided i wnt...unless i realli couldnt take it...n well after skewl i did take the train with him...it was so cold i juz wanted to hug him but sumthin held me back...i kinda had the feelin i shouldnt cos he probabli didnt want to..felt like he was keepin his distance n well so did i...it was killing me at that tym but i juz tahand...he left after n i hung out with syaril...yakked n yakked n ate with the loon...he n ida broke it off yet again...this time he tinks its for good..i hope not...anyways today...he started at 10 n so did i...was kinda hopin hed sms me in da morn n ask if i wanna meet to go skewl or sumthin but i tink as it was approachin 9 am...i realised "hez not gonna sms"...n like a tear ran down my cheek...i tink part of me was lettin go then...it was like..time to start walkin gal...ran into him on da way n after class i met the 51 guy @ canteen 1...didnt realise that i walked strait past the guys on da way..haha...sori all u guys...wasnt payin attention ah...sori ehh...nwe...pqs was booooring...fell asleep like after 5 mins hahahaha...but i like da classmates...met him again after...i dunnola..this time when im with him..i realli wanna b close to him n stuff but i cen feel him puttin up a barrier n i well...m gonna respect what he wants...god this hurts so much...but well..i was thinkin bout the proposition i got frm u kno hu...its like ok..when i wanted so much to b with u..u pushed me away...n now...iv moved on..gotten u outta my head n u want back it...well mayb i wuld go fot it...but well..i dun wanna...yes sophan doesnt wanna b with me...n i should move on...but well im over that sector of my life..moving on...sure a part of me reaali wants to give it a try...the other is is like wait for sophan...see what happenz...but another is like...juz give up on all...so wic 1???i still love sophan but i acceptd dat he n i are just frenz...i dun wanna just be his friend but i know its sumthin i have no power over...so im juz gonna accept things..sumtymz i act hop we'll b lyk lyn n syawal but im not tinkin bout it..wont...itll juz hurt me more...each tym i look @ him i wished it was the way it was 2 months ago..but thats just wishful thinkin...beginning to accept things that sum1 else will come into his life...he will fall for sum1..n that person is not me...im juz left with all the memories we had n that i will treasure forever...
these 2 entries are so sweet....juz wished that...arggh...screw that tought....like i told myself...im just going to let go..stop holding on to sumthin that just isnt there anymore...sum1 who just isnt there...i know a part of me will still b holdin on but i tink its time i told myself to accept it...lets juz say that i lost my wallet..
: THIS IS WHAT A GIRL TOLD A GUY :
If you see me walking the road with someone
else It's not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk
beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my
heartbeat
If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Because you're not there to catch me fall
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound
Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.
"HOW THE GUY REPLIED"
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to
walk
beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty
that stands before me
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your
heartbeat I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already
grabbed a branch
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am
lost I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
It's you I want to fall in love with.
WHEN I SAW YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...
WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...
WHEN I HOLD YOU...
I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...
NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...
I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY...
TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY...
AND TODAY IS A GIFT...
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A PRESENT...
SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...
BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...
THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...
HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U LOVE...
BEFORE THEY SLIP AWAY...
OR ELSE U CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK...
I WAS BORN WHEN YOU KISSED ME...
AND I DIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME...
BUT I LIVED FOR THE MONTHS U LOVED
ME...
UNTIL THERE WAS YOU,
I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP...
WHILE I HAD YOU,I FELL ASLEEP WITH A
GENTLE
SMILE ON
MY FACE...
BEFORE I LOST YOU,I WORRIED MY SELF
TO
SLEEP...
NOW THAT I KNOW UR GONE,
I SIT UP AT NIGHT, WAITING FOR U TO
COME
BACK...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
From the very beginning,
girl's family
objected
strongly on her
dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with
family background, &
that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her
life if she were
to be with him.
Due to family pressure, the couple quarrelled
very often. Though
the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked
him: "How deep is
your love for me?" As the guy is not good with
his words, this often
caused the girl to be very upset. With that &
the
family's pressure, the
gal often vent her anger on him. As for him,..
he
only endured it in
silence.
After a couple of years, the guy finally
graduated
& decided to
further his studies overseas. Before leaving,
he
proposed to the gal:
"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is
that I love
you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for
the rest of my
life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk
them round. Will
you marry me?"
The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination,
the family finally
gave in & agreed to let them get married. So
before he left, they got
engaged. The gal went out to the working
society, whereas the guy was
overseas, continuing his studies. They sent
their
love through emails &
phone calls. Though it was hard, but both
never
thought of giving up.
One day, while the gal was on her way to work,
she was knocked down by a
car that lost control. when she woke up, she
saw
her parents beside her
bed. She realized that she was badly injured.
Seeing her mum crying, she
wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all
that could come out of
her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her
voice....
The doctors says that the impact on her brain
has caused her to lose her
voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but
with
nothing coming out
from her, she broke down. During the stay in
hospital, besides silence
cry,.. it's still just silence cry that accompanied
her. Upon reaching
home, everything seems to be the same.
Except
for the ringing tone of
the phone. Which pierced into her heart
everytime it rang. She does not
wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a
burden to him, she wrote
a letter to him saying that she does not wish to
wait any longer.
With that, she sent the ring back to him. In
return, the guy sent
millions & millions of reply, countless of
phonecalls,.. all the gal
could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The
parents decided to
move away, hoping that she could eventually
forget everything & be
happy.
With a new environment, the gal learn sign
language &am p; started a new
life. Telling herself everyday that she must
forget
the guy. One day,
her friend came & told her that he's back. She
asked her friend not to
let him know what happened to her. Since then,
there wasn't anymore news
of him.
A year has passed & her friend came with an
envelope, containing a
invitation card for the guy's wedding. the gal
was
shattered. When
she open the letter, she saw her name in it
instead. When she was
about to ask her friend what's going on, she
saw
the guy standing in
front of her.
He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a
year to learn sign
language. Just to let you know that I've not
forgotten our promise. Let
me have the chance to be your voice. I Love
You." With that, he slipped
the ring back into her finger. The gal finally
smiled.
Treat every relationship as if it's the last one,
then you'll know how
to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last
day, then you'll know
how to treasure. Treasure what you have right
now, or else you will
regret one day..
ok..idham is talkin to me again...wer still frenz..yay...n well he still is intrested in me...n now after talkin to syaril n knowin sumore stuff...im beginning to not doubt his intrest in me anymore...no i dun like him...n im not gona fall for him....well i cant n i wont...im through with this whole relationship craplah....why sia when it will oni hurt me if i get in2 a relationship...it alwez does...damnit im cold...watchin days of our lives n im so damn sick n tired of bo n hope..he like duh wants to b with her but juz cos he THINKS shez with franco then he commited himself to billie...n now da gurl is preggers but hez neglectin her to try to b with hope...what the hell sia...hmph guys...dunno what they want..typical ryt huh..now im like whatever...didnt tink that hangin out with the guys wuld b fun..esp syaril..hell i juz met the guy n now hez like the one i go to whenever im damn pissed at idham or nithin...kinda intrestin realli...he n irealli click n well hangin out with him is realli realli kewl n fun...hez prob one of the few people that can actualli make me genuineli smile n 4get bout the whole sophan n me thing...sure i still think bout sophan but like i sed..gota get over it..he himself sed he dun wanna tink bout the situation...wenever he sez that it feels like iv lost hope...n as much as i wanna keep holdin on i feel like i shuldnt...but hey i sed i will so i will..but well err if
letting go..not gona try when i know it wont matter...i mean...if he is realli worrid bout his mum knowin then y in da world didnt he tink of it in da 1st place...y didnt he tink of the consequences when he 1st got together with me...y now say that he doesnt like lying to his mum when hez been doin it all along...he sez keepin things from her is oso the same..then what about everythin thats happend between us...hez seemed fine with not tellin his mum bout it ...now that im thinkin bout it i know that hes hiding sumthin act i juz know that he doesnt wanna be with me at all..hez juz bein nice by doin wad hez doin n tellin me all that...i know when its time to let go of sumthing n i think i should just do it now...i know itll take time for me to get through this n that it will hurt me bad but at least i wont think so much about it...iv got my job...school...so at least i wontt think so much bout him...or this...im glad im not quitting...at least iv got other things to concentrate my energy on...this is killing me but well what can i do about it..i cant change how he feels...if the love is gone..then whats the use in holding on...a part of me wants to keep holding on but if he thinks that our relationship doesnt mean anithing to him for him to at least giv it a chance then y do i keep on trying only to get shot down by him...he used to b the one so sure that we will last...n now hes the one giving up...i dun even know y i let myself bliev him when he sed that it will last n y i let myself bliev that he will never leave when in the end he did...he gave up...i know that i still love him but i know that i have to move on...forget everythin..the memories...how it all started..our 1st time out together...the day we got together...everything that happend between us...its better to juz let go..the memories will just hurt me more...
i cant stop tinkin bout him...cant sleep at all...i didnt wan him to get pissed yest...i didnt mean for it to go badly..she wasnt even bringin him down...he juz got the wrong idea...now i feel so terrible...he wants me to forget him but i dun wanna..i still love him so much n i wanna b with him...but im scared that he doesnt..as much as i try not to think about it..iv juz got this feelin he likes sum1 else..i juz dun wna b the loser waitin arnd when he finds sum1 else he wants to b with...i wish that he could juz see how much i love him n wanna b with him no matter what but he tinks that i dun...yes...yes i know i was real bad at showin it...but now i want him in my life...n as much as i wan him arnd more than a fren i wont pressure him..ill wait no matter how long it takes n how much it hurts me...act i was wonderin..y in da world did he wanna make idham so jealous if he himself doesnt wanna b with me...like i tot..hey if u dun wan me isit so rong that he does...then i started wonderin if he was startin to like sum other gal...then i started to wonder if we realli hev a future together...i mean i dunno how long his mum will not allow him to b well u kno n well he did say he wanted to concentrate on his studies..that will b what 2 n a half years...then thers his ns..another 2 n a half...so i gta wait arnd 4 him 5 years..can i do that?i know il prolly can cos my feelins 4 him are strong..but prob is...he could easily lose him feelins then what..ill b jilted...i juz feel so lost ryt now...im gonna not let this affect me..im gonna get through today n survive..sure ill miss him terribli today but he has plans n well i juz got this feelin that thers sum1 that he likes who's included in his plans...oh lets juz say i saw it in an sms sumwher...hell i dun wanna jump in1 conclusions but i cant help gettin the idea...juz giv me a sign can...god...juz get it through ur head that I STILL BLOODY LOVE U....i still love u so much that its drivin me nuts....i dont know what to do anymore!!!!!
at 1st i was tinkin..so what if ur mom doesnt approve...ur seeing me..not her..to me if it feels right then it shuldnt matter..but i undastand wher hez cmin frm..his mum will prolly make his life hell if she knew...but i dunno y i gota suffer cos of this..is it so wrong that im in love with him..i feel like mayb she thinks im this evil witch who'se tryn to corrupt her son or sumthin..n like him not wantin to b together cos of her is like as thou he agrees...i dunnolah...to me..im juz gonna follow my heart...hell my mom told me not to stay with him cos of the mom issue but i dun care...im in love with him n i wanna b with him..im not with his mom...i know y hez scared his mom will find out...but cmon...if he can show her that even thou we'r together it isnt affectin him negativeli then y not..his brother has a gf too...i dunnolah..now tht im tinkn bout it..i oso startin to wonder if its realli the mom...or just him...great..there goes the thinkin again....
theres prolly like a million n one songs that can make me cry now...i juz cant help it...its my only way of coping now...i mean im so ok with being his friend n im glad we still can talk n stuff but like u know...its definitely diffrent...its like now i feel like waht if he meets sum1 new..or sumthin..its makin me damn insecure n well now the feelings can juz fade away on his part...but i kno myn wont..after yest i decided that im juz gona stop tryn...let him hav his space...gelex told me not to think bout this whole thing n im tryn but i guess cryn is my way...its been a week n im still feelin this way...why...i dun wanna feel like this...is it easier to b one of those couples that totalli break off all ties...i dun think i can take that...that would b worse for me...but it oso hurts whenever im with him...its like sumtymz i would juz wanna say "i love u" or sms him sayin that i miss him...but i juz stop myself...its like i dun wanna make things worse...i wish i could see into the future or turn back time..i just wish i could juz hide from the world now...whenever i see him i feel like my heart is gonna pop out n i alwez try to hide how upset i am or how happi i am...n when he leaves...the tears juz come like that...i keep tellin myself its over n that i should juz go my seperate way but my heart tells me to wait...matt sed i shouldnt if its juz gonna hurt me so much..i told him...it doesnt matter how much it hurts me or drives me nuts..if i love him then im not givin up...i mean i wont try to get him back...ill juz b his fren n give him time...n hop that someday he will come back...either that or juz get over him...keep on listenin to that gareth gates song..juz love it so much...i gota stop this...the paranoid me thinks he realli doenst hev feelins for me n hez juz tryn not to hurt me by doin this...but if that is real then welli dunno...i saw his old blog entry n ther was one line when he sed he didnt wanna lose me...n well now its more like i lost him...dahlah i wanna stop this oredi...gona curl up in bed n cry myself to sleep as usual...yes i know im weak...so sue me...im a cancer..cancerians cry cos theyre weaklings....n im the weakest one whos juz doomed to be unloved n alone forever...look at me..with the whole self pity crap..im such a pathetic loser...cant even maintain a relationship...so much for forever...well at least now i know i wont trust anyone ever again...n sorry guys but this is one girl who has given up on love n i definitely dun believe in forever anymore...now im just left with all the memories...all the times i spent with him...hmm juz woke up haha..its one pm now...i told myself that i wont b the 1st one to sms him...i wanna wait for him to sms...i kno i kno wad da hell but at least if he smses 1st i kinda kno mayb hez still intrested n hez not JUZ layaning me u kno..my god..i was juz typin that when he did sms...wad da hell..haa...i dun wanna b too self assured but i kinda cen feel that he does care for me n love me but i dunno..im juz scared that if its not true ill b a wreck...hell cmon if he didnt care then y would he b botherd bout the whole job thing n me gettin sick...nadiah nadiah...delusional...dunolah...i juz wish i knew whatz gonna happen...i hate the feelin of bein apart frm him...i know it was mainly my fault we broke up but i reali wanna make things right...i love him too much to let him go...i know i know..i sound rediculously pathetic but i do feel that way...but no..im not gona get all syco n suicidal...please ah..thats juz dumb..what would killing myself n all that prove or do..im not like sum gals hu try to kill themself if they breakup with their guy...n wow..thats a loong entry...i better stop now...damn i miss him...hmm i guess il onli get to say this here...
