mampos!!!im gonna fail mm..can u imagine i didnt write down more than 10 things...arggh!!!im gonna cry sia..dunno y...i understood everything..i knew that i cen do the qns but after seeing him n the look he gave me..its like..i didnt even wanna do anything...now i gota study like mad for AMD on wed,ED on thurs and ASAS on fri...hope i cen get throu em in one piece..one good thing that happend was that i saw vijay..1st i was at d atrium wen i noticed him lookin at me so i waved of coz..then after my test i was talkin to bryan n sean n he was walkin past(as usual i pretend i never saw him(cennot seem eager what)n he poked me..i was like 'what da hell" haha..too bad lach likes him cos i could definitely start likin him..what..iv alwez found him totally cute..ok ok nad stop it..well after skewl i took a nice long bus ride to tamp..now i juz wanna sleep n not dream about him n by him i mean my x boyfren..n no not hafiz wic reminds me..i had an er intrestin dream of him n benjamin mckenzie yest..dun giv me that look..yes it was an "intresting" dream.. will update later..
11.02 pm
back..juz finishd watchn desp housewives n chattin with aerfi..poor guy got into a accident playin rugby..now hez in a poor neck brace...aaanywez watchn las vegas now..love that show..n da guy is kinda kewt..ok i so did not see that..ok back to y im here...dan..get a grip on urself..i told u that i juz wanna stay frenz..u know i cant and i dun wanna b bogged down by a relationship ryt now..i juz wanna hev fun and hev a life..n well honestly i like sum1 else..no offense ok man..uv got danielle who'se nutz about u n who i know u love too..so treasure her..dun let her go juz bcos im single now..cos even thou im single i wont juz date any guy..im sorry man...
i cant sleep..tried everythin..drinkin milk..listenin to music..keep on playin those words in my head over n over again "we are nothing"..it was so easy for him..then again why wouldnt it be..i was the one who..forget it..onli lach knows n im gonna keep it that way..i dun even wanna go to school 2moro..im feelin so many things now i dun even kno wher to start..shalin comes back 2dae with jamie..how fun huh..il b out with the girls and thier other halves...jamie,sandeep, shaikh..n me..ill b alone duh..i hate this month...i hate myself..i hate everything..why..y does he think that i was lying..so much for trusting me..god..i cant take this nimore..i need sleep..if not im dead 2moro..i wanna make things right with him..thats it..im juz gonna giv in..if cryin to sleep helps then thats wat ill do..gota deal with this the best way i know how
argh..this is killing me..worst still 2moro is my common test...n i cant even think straight..i really dont want things to be this way..i hate this him being angry at me..thinkin i did all this to get him to notice me..i think its stupid for me to do that..i mean..i dun wan a guy to bother bout me juz cos he tinks im leavin..dats just stupid..of stop it nad..ill get over this..he wont repli..dat much i kno..cmon..hafiz n i oso were like that n i turned out ok..ok sure..i turned bulimic till like april n i tried to kill myself n i did other stuff i shuld sue myself for but other than that i bcame fine...god i need to get outta this house for a while..cant take it
i dun kno if im pissed upset or what..i dun even wanna talk bout it..he sed it himself.."we are nothing"..which we have been the past 2 months..well we were frens sorta..dunnolah...oh whatever..im gonna b fine with this..i guess..thing is i realli wanna apologise..but hez the one who sed it..the whole hatin me n not carin bout me will b easy and the whole me lying bout everything..why would i lie..to get his attention he thinks..please after whatever happend btwn him n me the whole relationship nothin i do can get his attention..that i so know..its not as if we act talk or communicate that much for him to know what happend..whats been goin on..forget it..its over..just gonna move on..iv got a date with dan 2moro anyway..tink its time to forget the ex n focus on the boyfriend..hmm more like accidental boyfren..i cant bliev i act sed yes to him..was too damn pissed i wasnt even thinkin..oh well juz giv him a chance..at least iv got sumwhere to go after school now..
i come onlyn and sum1 sudenli goes "busy"..oh whatever..i dun give a shit nimore..went to fort canning juz now and well i cried again duh..but this time i made a breakthrough..realised no point in me screwin up myself n my life bcos im tryn 2 deal with this or forget him..so juz heck it lah..he dun wanna msg me or sms me fyn..im not gonna waste my energy smsin him nimore..i mean it is a friendship..so it should b both ways not just 1 way..no im not assuming anything..im juz takin each day as it is..im fine this way..being a loner is kinda fun..n now iv gotten bryan to join lifeguards with me..wic im onli gonna go for on wednesdays..go monday for what..n im gonna find out wen netball is so i cen join too..either that or i take up kickboxing, taekwondo or yoga with lach..i need a freakin hobby..hell im gona join adam for soccer on fridays with his frenz..gonna get myself a life..cant keep waiting for him to say sumthin..n know what im not even gonna talk bout this anymore..act..mayb ill stop bloggin here..let u guys know when...but im not gonna state wher my next blog is..if u wanna know..snoop around or ask me..oh oh..go download kelly clarksons new album..its realli good...esp "gone","u found me" and "since u been gone"..i also juz downloaded this other song..n its realli nice..love the lyrics...
Behind These Hazel Eyes
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleepI'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once againI'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
awww...blergh..please..soo over feeling sorry for myself..ill just move on..n next time no more emotional attacments..ill have my fun n move on..hell y should i bother goin through the relationship crap wen i end up hurt anyway..sure it may seem mean..but cmon..guys..cant expect them to wanna stay in a comitted relationship..so y expect it from them ryt
in skool now..doin cadm...n guess what..i know how to do it!!!yayyy!!!!im so happy sia..ok ok..now i wanna go home..byeeee
damn...im still not asleep..cant stop tinkin bout him..dunno y i i love him so much..well i know duh..but why cant i juz accept that its never gona happen n well move on..was listenin to kelly clarksons since u been gone n gone n im like..bah whatever..then when i listen to u found me i tink of him n i get all emo..stupid u kno..i was tinkin..i mean dun get me wrong i love bein frenz with him but cmonlah im a girl..i need to feel secure..i try to think im fine with the whole open datin crap..well with sum1 im not that into..like shafiee or haikel its fine..but with him i dun even know what its called..juz hangin out or datin or what??n like im totali freaked if he does da same things with another gal..scared me totalli..but hey iv got to get it in my thick head..wer just frenz..n hey i said that without tearin up...dahla..gta slp nw
I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER!!!!!!
its amazing how some guys only respond to sarcasm n meaness..and not in a good way..their unbelievably shallow minds think that when gals are sarcastic that theyre intrested...*NOT*..hell if i was intrested id flirt and well not tell u stuff like "if ur brain is in ur balls then im amazed that u made it past primary one"..hello..that was a full on insult..guys are beyond me..they break up with a girl and try when they fail in gettin them back they resort to dating sum other poor sap who juzt ends up gettin screwed(literalli n not literalli u decide) in the end..but worst are those chauvanistic bobbas who think that gals are inferior to guys just because wev got a uterus n boobs...puhlees..i can kick the arse anytime..hell the best example is khidir..wen i gave it to him last week the guy didnt hang out for days with them..too malu already..serves the bobba right...yes im replacin all my profanities with "bobba" haha play habbo hotel too muchlah so sue me..damn im fallin aslep in da cadm room sia...wanna leave soonlah..hungri lah
self destructing yet again...only now i realise why marissa resorts to all the crap she does when shez in pain..they actually work..
today was a good day...went to skewl...did my cadm then hung out at skewl to wait for kelvin...took so damn long..i got so iritated...then went down to tp to meet lach...tot of studyn @ da library but didnt feel like it after that..went for her maths class n met her lab partner..izzad...woooo!!!!ok so iv seen him b4...dat tym we went to eat at tm i saw this hot hot hot guy n i was like lach cute guy...skali its her lab partnerlah!!hahahah...nwe hez so i dunno how to xplain..hez not the typical kinda guys i like..those skinny,cute in a diff way..seth cohenny kinda guys...hez like ryan..the strong silent broodin kind..wahlau..damn if i knew hi better i so wuld hev a crush on him but nah...nwe then me n lach went tm...got my fox top again then got sum food(hungrilah)...n now im at home gettin ready to go out again...wanna go studi @ fort canning...myt meet shafie..juz now i finalli sent my pic to him n i got his...lach thinks hez realli cute...haha oklah..hez da typical kinda guy i alwez go for but he s not the baggy clothes kinda guy...well sorta baggy..hez dresses like erm ah farhan frm 1t04...haha lach thinks hez cute too..well actualli he is...anyway...like i sed even if shafie likes me i doubt ill pursue it for now wanna remain single...ok then..me gota go now...byeeee
ok ok im back frm studyn...well at least tryn 2 studi...n well im malas to say nithin..jus tired...
I feel so terrible...my throat hurts my back is gettin screwed up again...my head is pounding..im so not gonna go skewl...wanna go get mc then go out sumwher...i juz gota b alone..esp after last night...dunno y i got all emotional n upset...hell i havnt cried for so long n yest it just flowed n flowed...dunno wad came over me..been gaining weit..becoming bulimic,a friggin pillhead ...good huh...im so an incarnation of marissa...just with more guy drama hell just more drama...god i feel like crap..i was tellin din how funny it was...iv got 4 guys after me..all wonderful in their own ways but i cant bring myself to like em or get close to them...i know its not fair to them but i just dont wna get hurt n well end up like another dj n marissa...i know its stupid to keep waiting around..but i guess ur stupid when it comes to the one u love..i just wanna stop this bloody pain..the crying,hating myself,wondring what i couldv done to prevent it or to make it right..it bloddy sucks at skool...the one thing i dont want is to see him cos it just makes it harder yet everywher i turn i end up seeing him..yet its so obvious it doesnt affect him at all..why cos hez fine with it..cos hez moving on...cos hez not a fool like me to have faith in sumthin that doesnt exist anymore..shit i hate crying..i just wanna die actualli..just want out of all this...stop all this pain..well i did try to do it once n hell it felt good...u feel all lightheaded and woozy...dunola..i dont know what im doing or sayin anymore..i thought i was fine with all this..guess i just miss him...i juz wanna scream out now!!!!!
Okays for the record me n Idham NOT a couple..we'r just hanging out...hell he'z still with his girlfriend(he doesnt know that i know so im usin that to my advantage)..now that iv got that outta the way i finalli met Shafie yesterday..yes shafie aaron wongs fren who is also hari's fren who iv been smsin n frenz with since 1st year 1st sem but havnt met everr...y cos i was freaked ...y cos i didnt want him to b sum syco who looked like those creeps shaikhah met frm da net...n guess wad..he is KEWTT..hez skinny(whats with me n skinny guys)..is realli realli funni in a cohenny kinda way n plus his hair..is like seb frm simple plan!!!!!!!!
we met at ps(i almost bailed again but didnt)...kinda funni cos he didnt know wher to go so i had to look for him at 77th street ther...met him blah blah...walkd arnd...then got sumthin frm 7-11..n walked to esplanade..checkd out the gig..wic sucked btw n the whole time i wanted outta ther...cos i was so thinkin of sop...1st datelah...met his fren n the fren was like "ur date ah"...n we both gave each other this look like "isit a date??"...took the rivercruise thingy...wic was so fun...n talkd n talkd...then had to go back cos it was almost 11 oredi...n well he livs @ jurong so he couldnt send me home...idham didn call so i culdnt b bothered oso...went home ate n juz hung out..he did sms me askin bout the gig(he didnt know bout it)...felt kinda bad not telin him but hey its not as if we talk oso...god...y isist everytime i try to move on n try talkin bout sumthin or sum1 else it alwez goes back to him...its like im stuck in a rutt..n i hate it..i keep on thinkin of whats gonna happen this next few months..shalins wedding,valentines day..the holidays..gonna b me alone again..tink im juz gonna skip valentines day this time..shalin n jamie..diana n sandeep,patna n shaikh...dun think ill b able to go...n haha i juz realised in all theres sum1 whose name starts with s..i know nothin will ever change things between him n me..guess thats what holdin me together...i dun have any more hope for him n me so i wont b brokenhearted n disapointed in the end..cos this past month+ i alwez end up disapointed n hurt..only now i know that love...its all just in ur head..u convince urself that u love sum1 n have faith in that person n that love but in the end..it never lasts...when finalli open up ur heart n believe that uv found the 1...it turns out that u were just a fool all along..with hafiz i never held back...frm day 1 i felt sumthin...but after this long..i realised that i jumped in2 things with him...was convinced it was love but it wasnt..i just loved being with him...he was like a buddy..sum1 i hung out with as frenz n well with benefitslah...n with sophan..i was so careful..didnt wanna fall too fast for him n onli realli did let myself totalli fall for him after a month n look where that landed me...i dunno y iv got trust issues...guess cos each time i trust sum1 i end up gettin stabbed in da back...but i didnt wana not trust him..i mean who wouldnt get insecure he wasnt payin as much attention to me as he used to...n like dat day b4 he went msia he didnt even sms me after his job...n i waited n waited the whole nyt for him to sms...felt so like an idiot..can still remember the next day when i went to skool..was so happy he smsd yet so pissed...i dun evn know wher to put my feelins then...god i dun even wanna get into this...wanna go phuke now...i dun get it...iv gone back to my bingeing n bulimic ways...great ryt..yet im still not lozin weit...juz giv it a month..hopfulli i cen b 40 again then...juz dun eat even at home..damn..iv been bulimic for 3 years sia..well on the bright side bulimic people are prone to not bein able to have babies...so thats good...juz freakedlah...esp wen people tell me bout people who die...wait what m i sayin..im juz bulimic..not anorexic...crazy...oklah oklah...wanna eat again
*so sweet..tk n yiwen r back together..saw his frenster profile....thinkin bout it..when we were together it was like as though he was embarassed by me..like if any of his frenz saw us together itll b a bad thing..no wonder it took me so long to open up to him..ah well..ok ok..im gonna make this promise...im not gonna talk about him in this blog at all for 5 days(cant help it weekends i tend to b all emolah)...promise ok..if i break it...then ill have to err ask idham out on a date n actualli go out with him*yerkh*
Cannot sleep..what else is new huh..no im not thinkin about him..althou i did juz now cos he didnt come onlyn..n he stayd back in skool god knows y..then again...i shouldnt care...hez not my bf what...saw them yest...was waitin 4 my classmates @ 56 n they were walkin frm atrium i tink...then suddenli i saw hafiz bhind them haha...he lookd nice...n damn he was usin a baby blu shirt n i almost used da same colourlah...nwe...class was boring..after that met din @ the bus stop...n haha he told me bout this gal cmin to meet him in skewl...n i myt b joinin em..sum1 takotlah...sooo cute man...my lill bro is meetin sum gal...awww..n oh oh aparantli din knows the kewtt guy frm my AT class...haha n he livs in da east...ScOrE!!!haha..but dunno if he even knows my namelah...n then i met lach n we went walkin arnd..got a new fox top n then went pastamania...idham was flirtin totalli...he took my cap blardi bugger...i guess if i keep an open mind i myt like him...i tink...dunnolah..i know i cant trust him but each time he tries so hard to get my attention its so cute...but each time i juz end up tinkin bout sop again...i kno i know lach ill get over it soon...juz hop it doesnt take as long as i took to get over hafiz thou now...err....well i find him totalli appealing physicalli n well the time we had together last tym wuz fun but like i kno he n i wont n cant end up together...juz like me n sop..i still have hope but its slowly flickering away...like i told din...i know that if i move on it may seem like im sum slut who juz chosses any guy that comes along but its not the case..i would by all means wait for him but if there wasnt any hope..if i see that he n me are just frenz n he wants it to remain that way n isnt showin any intrest in a reconciliation then there isnt a point puttin my life on hold for a guy who juz isnt intrested ryt...waitin for him,cryin for him n juz bein plain miserable...sure love is crazy...its alwez challengin n never easy but i dunno y i keep hangin on anyway...frm the biggest fyt to even those i dunno y they happen...mayb its cos its worth it...hez worth it...arggh stop it nad juz stop this crap..iv got to go 1 week not talkin bout him...then mayb one day i can realli get past the pain....hey hu knows mayb me n cute AT guy...rgh no no no...no guys at alll!!!!!!oklah need sleep...gonna meet shafie ltr then wait for idham to b done...
Lindsay Lohan - Something I Never Had
Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number
I can not get through
You don't hear me and I dont understand
When I reach out I dont find your hand
Was it wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all our precious time but I still feel so in between
[Chorus:]
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll stay
Dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep tell myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize its just what
Its just what might have been
[chorus]
Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
That youll stay
Dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
That I never had
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
You dont see me, you dont feel me like I feel you
fucklah!!!i thought i was over this..over him over everything..so y is this getting to me so much..why does it alwez hurt wenever i see him n i get nothin...whenever hez online n he says nothin n whenever he goes offline..each time i get a msg im alwez hopin its him but its not..i keep tellin myself that i like idham but i know im onli lying to myself..guess im using idham to get over him...so not workin...i had nothin better to do juz now so i read his blog...it has very few entries so easylah...n as i read the tears kept on flowin n flowin like waterfall..it hurts knowing that he used to feel the way he did n well those feelings are gone now..i know him n me never gonna happen..sumhow i see the pattern..no im not assumin stuff..like with me n hafiz...wen we were talkin durin da breakup he didnt look me in the eye at all n neither did he...n we were still sorta frenz after that but after a while it juz hurt too much to keep in contact with him n i guess now me n sop myt juz end up dat way...the thought of it is so painful but its sumthing i gotta live with...im juz gonna close my heart to anything and anyone..god..why is my life such a mess now...i cant stop crying..the thought of goin to skool is dreadful and like im swirlin back into my depression state...crap sia i def dun wanna end up in hospital again...
screw that..things happen for a reason anyway..finish at 5 2moro..myt skip thou then again no..i havnt skippd a thing this week..wana head to pasir ris park to juz walk around n think..or fort canning..yeah it reminds me totalli of him but what to do sia..wher else can i go to b alone n well juz try to forget bout all the shit in my life..sure ill prolly end up breaking down but well i juz cant bear to b at home..if i come onlyn ill see him..plus its week five..hence the start of nadiah cmin home real late..ok lah..iv had enuf of feelin sorry for myself..gonna either slit my wrists or cry myself to sleep..*KIDDINGLAH* well juz bout the slittin my wrists part that is
was earli for skewl..amazinli i left at 8...mm was boring but i understood a lot...planneed to meet shafie ltr but i was broke so i askd him if we could meet sat...hari was like promotin him to me haha...durin break ate with kelvin @ canteen 1...then went to bus stop cos i wanted to skip class...was ther frm like 1130 to 1145..then went to 56 for class...boring...then went for ed...n i dunno y the guys are alwez disturbin me with alim..gettin old u kno...althou alim is cutelah...reminds me of zhof..but hez soooo tall...cannotlah...n too goody ah...like i sed i wan a guy like ryan..the silent misunderstood enigma...anyway...after tht went to the bazzar to get my belt...n saw this niceee trucker hat...gonna get it tmorow...aaanyway then suddenli this helmy called me..sed he saw me...made me look arnd like sum kinda idiot b4 i saw akash at 56 n was like "bloodi hell!!!!"haha...so funni sia...oh yah n i saw him too..nwe...then met lach at tamp mall...went to makan at mcdonalds....n ate ice cream outside at the plaza...idham was outside too smokin n like we juz smiled at each other...actualli..im gettin kinda peeved at the whole idham saga...he likes me duhh...n he doesnt like the fact that other guys are intrested(especialli starbucks guy)...yet he doesnt do a thing bout it..im like wad da hell...make up ur mindlah...i dun wanna b in a relationship with him definiteli but like wad da hell...its like he onli contacts me wen he feels like it n when he doesnt he wont bother...guys...think wad im like a friggin yoyo isit...urgh...amazingli the guy i wanna b with treats me like that n the other guy i dun mind bein with does the same...yet the 2 guys who pay me sooo much attention n are like uber perfect in everyway...i juz cant like em..sure billabong guy n starbucks guy are cute but theres sumthin missing...oh yeah they like me too much...im weird ryt..tend to like the guys who are bound to hurt me....blaahh
anyway..herez an update on the past week
Monday
skool..typical...realised that i kinda found my classmate cute..yeah dat chinese guy im in da same group with..hez so cute...n not lookswise...juz personality...so juvenile..n like fun to hang around..reminds me of kah boon actualli..but like i sed no guys...managed to get rid of one of the guys(adil)..told him it was neverr gonna happen n that i was contemplatin lesbianism(yah rytt)...3 more to eliminate...althou i am considerin billabong guy n idham..yes u heard me..i gotta admit he isnt as vile as he used to be haha...sure hez nowhere like hafiz who alwez smses me n stuff and he doesnt make me as happy as sop did n stuff..but when im with him i do hev fun..and well i know its not love or nithin but hey at least with him i cant get hurt cos its not serious..yeah i kno its not xactli the best thing to do..kinda skanky but what m i supposed to do..i cant stay dis way...i mean its not like iv got a prob bein single its juz that i do hev to move on..n well im not emotionally ready for another relationship so this is the best thing..juz "hanging" with sum1 n not commiting..like ryan does..simple..n this time im not gonna change my mind..hell even if i start hevin feelings for him im not gonna layan them at all everr...y risk gettin hurt again..n dis time i mean it..i oredi suffered the consequences when i let my feelins get the better of me recentli...so now..no more miss vunerable..nwe back to my story..went to pastamania to eat with ct n adam...ln idham took our orders...n we actualli sempat flirt like crazy at the counter haha...n wen we were eatin outside he came out to smoke n damn the number or times we both glanced n unglanced at each other was like counteless sia...it was so funni..esp wen he was walkin back n rammed into a chair..haha...so cute actualli..oh my god wat m i sayin!!!???im not falling for him im not falling for him im not falling for him!!!!!
Tuesday
woke ip real late...took a cab to skool..AT class was fun..finalli talked to the cute malay guy frm my class...hez nice..then pqs slept...found out had to do project wth sum guy whu wasnt there...had to go eat at sum place n like gauge the service..almost had to do it alone...tot of askin him along but well nah...he wuldntv gone niwe..met up with lach to makan @ pizza hut...yes i told myself id never ever eat ther again in nov(for obvious reasons)...but hey i did eat at the plaza sing one n im over it so heck la...nwe...walked past pastamania but he wasnt there...dunno if i was relieved or disapointed...annnyway...urgh wad am i saying..god..ok then ate at ph..i had the chicken lovers thingy...but onli downd half of the personal pan..then she went back n i met danny..was fun hangin with him..played the air hockey thing n kicked his sorry butt!!!haha..he told me he n dinah broke up for good this time...so now iv got one more in my singles club..yeah!!!
Wednesday
woke up late again...lach had no skewl so met her at the interchange n took a cab again...reachd juz in time..cute classmate was there oredi n sorta flirted with him heh hehz...then had the cadm test...passed!!!1YAHOOOO!!!durin the break ate at canteen 1 with lach n cheryl..oh n as we were leavin 46 we saw hafiz...lach was like "woman u shuldv seen his jaw drop"...well aparantli i lookd hot lah....thats wad id sed wen he saw me that nyt...on da way to ed saw the old 1T04...tink i saw him oso...lookd nice..but i hoped he didnt see me...nwe ed was boring...was fallin asleep...then i did my cadm while waitin for din...we took da train back together then i met adam to get money...went to tamp mall to meet id...n then went home...kinda boringlah...but normal day for me...
-My New Years Eve-
the day blowed..started off bein jus in time for class...called mus up to find out if he was comin...he wasnt...
1st class was borin...juz watchd sum vid on the landing systems of planes. then played around with it n the planes at the workshop..then i had massive stomach cramp so had to hide out at the loo...major bloodloss..n here i tot it was the priod..it wasnt..guess that alwez happenz the week after like the doc sed...
mid class..ran into helmy at the vending machine @ 46 n started tokin...saw hafiz(was wearin da same sweater he gave me..still have it chucked sumwher)
2nd class was classic-amd..had to do sum prac on kenetics...with a tennis ball n a paper ball...ended up juz throwin the ball around n crapping our answers...got a bit more aquainted with my classmates..yay...finishd in like 45 mins n left to go 51...was supposed to meet my fren there but alas the loon was at c1...ran in2 da old 1t04 guys there so juz hung out there a while till they went class...
went atrium to buy the shirt i loved(blue version)...amir called n i met them...del wanted to eat so we were off to c1..n who would i see wen we reached ter...1 guess...HAFIZ!!!haha typical eh...amir kept disturbin me bout his presence...y i hev nooo idea...ah well moving on...was waitin for lyn cos we were gonna go out n she suggested askin loadsa people(him included-if not i wont ask cos i rememberd he sed he had plans)...so i did...n well he declined(no shock ther)..so at 12 she finishd(thank god)...n b4 dat viren called..askd if i wanted to go brewerks with them for drinks..hell i so wanted to get drunk n wasted that day but i knew it would disapoint people(him) if i drank so i decided against it...instead me n lyn left n tried to dcide wad to do..since supposed to meet lach we headed to tamp..took 151 then 67...but dis lach realli got to me...i oredi told her i was takin a bus so i was gonna b there 130-2...she kept on callin n callin(n it wasnt even 115)..hell i even told her wen we were at bedok n sed we shuld reach in like 15-20 mins... but still wen we reachd the interc she called yet again...*arggh*..ok so i told her to meet at mcd near the post ofc..but i saw zhof n well it completely slipped my mind n oni realised it as i passd da post ofc...lucki she saw me so she came up..but dunno wads her prob..saw me with lyn n suddenli wana go home...i was like..y sia??so fine she came along..to go *bucks to apply for a job n check out cute guy..blah blah...saw dewi she lookd at me 1kind..hu cares...lach left..me n lyn went to eat at phins...had fish n chips(powerr) and clamari(powerrr)...then went over to my house..watchd IT..then at arnd 630 she went to werk...i juz hung out at home n tot of goin out..malas so i offed my lappy n went to bed earli...realli realli earli...oni realli woke up at like waht 1 the next day....n thats the next stori..the idham story..yes u saw right..IDHAM!!..hahaha
a new year...so new everything...new me??i hope so...iv been tryn so hard to get over him...i mean iv stopped thinkin as much as i used to...like wondering this n that and well tryn to move on (hell iv got 4 guys after me)..but like i dunno y but sumthings holding me back..im trying so hard to forget everything but each time i tink of anything it just hurts...no i dont cry although i m crying now...like just now i took 67 n i woke up juz as it was passing his place...n suddenli like a tear ran down my face..i didnt evn realise it..i mean i kno that the other guys are nice n well i myt like either one..but im done with getting hurt...i was so willing to wait for him..no matter how long it took...but lookin @ things..i dont know if he wants me to..sumtymz i feel like such a fool..i mean i was wondering to myself what i would do if my mom was the one who didnt approve..well like jimmy did..tell his parents to go to hell..cos i love him..
god..this tsunami thingy is realli bad...at 1st wen it 1st happend i didnt think it could b so terrible..over 120000 people oredi..n i tink the worst is seeing parents who hev lost their children...like this one man...lost 5 outta 7 kids...and this woman who lost all 7 kids n husband...i mean...its like i bet they myt b tinkin y couldnt they go 1st...i know if that happend to me id giv my life for my kids to survive..but act...come to think of it...who will suffer more..the ones who lost their lives...or those who survive n who will have to live without them..im thankful spore didnt get impacted by it...but part of me well mayb wishd it did..dun ask y..mayb unconciously i wish i was ther wen it happend..its making me see now that u gota live life as best as u can...dont hold back...uv onli got so little time n anithin can happen...wic made me so temted to try again but i didt...i wont..not ever..im only gonna risk gettin hurt again...i kno its stupid to wait silentli cos he wont possibli kno..but well theres such a thing called unrequited love...n one sided love..guess thats it..mayb thats the kinda love i shuld hev...no heartbreak...n evn if he meets sum1 else then ill b happi for him...well since im gonna live life as well as i cen...guess that means givin one of those guys a chance...ah well..at least im gna hev sum1 to hang with at skool who isnt gushing over vijay 90% of the time...
klah ill update u on wad i did new years later..now i need sleep..
-HAPPY NEW YEAR-
LOVE YOU ALL and remember
YOU LIVE ONLY ONCE AND TIME NEVER TURNS BACK SO LIVE LIFE AS LIKE THERES NO TOMOROW COS WELL U NEVER KNOW WHEN UR GONNA GO
