mentally unstable

well...i cant sleep yet again....argh...wads roong ah...i know i know...must be the overdose of vanilla coke..keepin me up sia...damn i miss drinkin it....kinda cannot tahan root beer nimore...too sweet ah...now adicted to vanilla coke...mmmmmm...u wannnnn....hahahaha....god im nutz huh....anyway..me finalli told matt off...sick n tired of bein treated like sum little girl...hell 1 minute hez offerin me sex advice(like wad da hell..y is a guy hus tellin me to preserve myself n my virginity bloodi givin me tips on 101 ways to use food in da equation...)...n the next hes tellin me wad to wear wat tym to be home n how far i cen go with sop...like...screw u lah...i may love u but start dictatin my life n i swear to god i will castrate u if u go wayyyy too far...well...as for me n him...things are orytt...i feel so bad today....oredi come to skool i wuz pulling a loooong face....moody again lah...then onli durin break we started talkin..he was soo sweet durin cad..cos i wuz hevin period cramps n kept like squeezin my arm so he made me squeeze his hands(felt so bad cos i know i squezeed hard)...n for once i didnt despize autocad as much as i alwez do....then after skool we went to da library to catch a movi n then plannd to eat at SIM...in da end we tot prolly sim closed oredi so we tot of goin simei n i tot juz mayb see if sim open....n guess wad it wasnt...ok so we went to simei n went to banquet instead of the laksa place...n haha guess wad...da ramen stall closedlah....n the poor guy felt so bad...when it isnt even his fault....ok so he wanted to go s11 after...but i tot easier juz eat at kfc(didnt realli wanna eat it but i tink i troubled him enuf oredi)....so ate ther...he had tummy ache so he went home n i took 9 then walked home from afgan)...got a tub of ice cream from 711 along the way....oh yeah n now im super broke...niceonelah....ah well...2moro till friday dun eat...me still got like 3 more kg to loze b4 im 40kg oso..hmm....its like 345 now...me watchin will n grace...haha..typical huh...wad to do...cannot sleep wad...mt tryn to find that bbmak song..but cannot findlah...n haha im listenin to atomic kitten-its ok...haha weird ryt...but i love that song...ooh ooh n blue-breathe easy...god that song is damn freakin nice...used to get all emo whenever i hear that...but now..bah get emo for waht...puhleez..wayyy over the whole hafiz crap...i mean god...dumpin me cos of my moods..sure theyre bad but cmon..a bit da over sia...damn..dat juz shows how immature sum peepz are...ah well it juz wasnt meant to be...annywea..oh yeah...saw akash's testimonial for amy....sooo sweet sia..(wished he did da same..but doubt it since he wants no1 to know bout us..)cen realli see he likes this gal..haha..actualli i saw it the 1st tym i hung out with em...kinda guessd sumthin wuz goin on....soo cute u know...im real happi for him..yeah i know..how weird since i had a crush on him...comeon..even if i did..hez like an older bro to me...n i want him to be happi..n im glad he is...he deserves it...n shez one lucki gal...damn..y muz all other gals hev an easy tym with the whole relationship crap....

posted by naddz @ 3:21 AM 0 Comments

well for one thing...he definitely wont b meetin da belles...do i need to spell it out now..its obvious that they prolly wont get along...so now comes the big question...we all know how its like important to me that the guy im with n my frenz esp the belles get along but now im like hu cares...im the one with him not them what...who cares wad they tink...whateverlah...malas to think bout it oso....hell i dun even know what i got myself into now...laughd my head off when i read yiwens testi on one oh four's friendster profile....i wuz tinkin...yeah right....hasnt sed it to me in days...i know im just stupid...stupid to think that what happnd that day wouldnt change everything..it did....no matter how much i try to tell myself everythings the same its not...n da best thing is...im totalli givin in...cos once the "face" n da not happiness is ther ill feel bad n all that crap...god..not bad enough that im some guarded secret that cannot be let out...almost like im an embarassment....dunnolah...

posted by naddz @ 3:45 AM 0 Comments

hellew...ok i know i hvnt updated long..been busy...nwez herez an update...friday common test finished...thank god!!!!!n well....im not even gonna go in2 wad happend dat day...n sat....i went sentosa with the guys from my class...{+ yiwen(tk's girlfren) n madeline(from 1t03 + galex's g)}...haha yeah...got so many guys but onli 3 gals...haha..pathetic aint it...but still more fun....if got lotta girls...aiyo...esp those minah types....god...there were a few minahs there n part of me wishd matt or shalin wuz ther....then cen seriously make fun of em...damn...ah well...i still got 3 more weeks with matt n shalin comes back in 3 weeks...so alls cool...nwes...we spent like the time btwn 12 like dat to like 4 at the beach(yes i got to stay in the water for 4 whooole hours!!!!woopieee)...then we took the monorail...n lepakkd in it...the rest of em went to the musical fountain...but me,sop,tk n yiwen got off.....i needed to go city hall to buy my mom her thingy....then makan at sakura...for one thing ill never eat ther again....shuldv gone to sakae...bodoh....ah well...i still got to drink my choco esctacy milkshake after....n that wuz like whoooooaaaaaaa....in LB terms....woosh baby...hahahahaa....nwez...im still wonderin if hell mind if i post the pic up of us in frenzter..well i noe hez fine with da class noein n stuff but its obvious he wants to keep it a secret...n well u knowlah....hmm....no im not goin into that....juz gotta accept that fact....but y sia...thers alwez got to b one flaw....well not realli a flaw...but u knowlah...oh well....get over it lah woman...keep secret keep secretlah..if it realli gets to me then alwez got last resort....at 1st i realli tot of makin it obvious that there notiin goin on...but cmon...as if i cen ever stay feelin "wadever"...when he'z around......bloodi hell im sleepi.....hmm...2daes da 29th....hafiz's birthday....hah..who cares!!!

posted by naddz @ 5:17 AM 0 Comments

im gonna fail..im gonna fail..im gonna failll!!!!!!there...got it outta my system..nwe...wad to day ahh...i oso dunnolah...again i didnt watch notebook..how typical...got ditched again....my life story hah...damn...2moro myt watch....if tak jadi i swear i aint watchin a movie with any one of em at all anymore..so wad if i gota go alone...ahh..shit...got like 7 people msgn me..mampos aku..update ltr

posted by naddz @ 12:51 AM 0 Comments

mom isnt tokin to me...gdad is actualli cool with da whole thing...cuz payin da bill..in other words im kinda safe...juz hate da cold treatment..but ah well..wad to do...n i realli wanna watch the notebook but like no mood ah...partli coz il b uber tired 2moro n partly cos im broke n partly cos i hate watchin these typ of movies alone...n my movie buds hev watchd it with the better halves oredi...traitors...n no im not gona b da selfish gf(thou i kinda wan to b) n ask him along...he oredi made plans n im not gonna let him ditch his frenz for me...that is just plain wrong..yes i noe any gal wuld use the oppurtinity anytym but im not gonna do that to him..its what u call..hmm..wads dat word...ah yes...ah no..i juz lost it..oh well..ill juz c wad goes on 2mro...if i feel like it (n iv got the money)..ill go watch....if not..juz go fc studi thermofluid n see if i wanna go home earli(prolly not)..duh

posted by naddz @ 11:13 PM 0 Comments

well..i didnt get any sleep..didnt get any studyn done even...dunno y hez upset with me...wad did i do now??...wad da phukin??comeon i was feelin sick so of course i phuke..not as if i force...sure im upset but not that upset...alah..dunnolah...im always doin something wrong....screwup what...nothin can change that fact so y try...god y must alwez get upset when iv got maths test or xam...1st it wuz da whole hafiz breakup n now this...hah..he didnt even notice when i dleted da damn thing...god what da hell wuz i tinkin when i did it...dumb move nad...ah well...this IS me...argh...im so gonna fail...ah fuck itlah....i wuz kidding myself when i chose this course anyway...how i got in is still a mystery...hey..at least if i fail again better ryt..get kicked out so i wont b foolin myself again...im alwez doing this...always think something can work out when it cant...it never will..why..cos its me...its in my damn genes...shitlah...i do dun wanna cry yet im cryn like sum baby....mayb i shuld juz go throu with it...save myself b4 its too late...but i know ill regret it...but sometimes i get so damn freakin confused lah...i just dont get it...everything...know what...truthfulli..i wish i was never born...typical eh..but realli...i mean...i bet u my parents wuld still b together if it wasnt for me...hell he started to stray when i came into the picture....argh...fuckin hate this...its like all da crap that has been happenin is comin back to me...how m i supposed to take the damn test when im feelin this way...like i sed heck it..fail sudah....hey add to my status as a failure anyway...n like me n shalin dcided...dun wan others to find out...then dun even let em suspectla....so frm 2day onwards its gonna b implemented i tink...juz seelah...get updated on it 2moro...or shuld i say today...well its now 530...better start understandin a bit....hop i at least pass the freakin test...

posted by naddz @ 4:47 AM 0 Comments

possibilities shalin tot of...
1)maybe theres something funny going on
2)maybe he's still trying to get with his ex
3)maybe he's in an anti girls club n he's breaking the first rule
4)maybe he's a closet hetero.....
well shez alwez been veri encouragin...sumtymz i wonder y da hell i bother tellin her nithin...shell juz say sumthin negative to make me feel like crap....ah well....screw thinkin postive..nothin good ever happens in life...so y da hell bother...juz try to survive this godforsaken life....now if u xcuse me i wanna go phuke out wadever i ate

posted by naddz @ 12:09 AM 0 Comments

..i cant b bothered....give up..dun care nimore...yes i mean it....im not even gonna try..wadever happenz happenz...not my bloody choice anyway...

posted by naddz @ 10:48 PM 0 Comments

well..things are ok..i think...erm..they felt ok to me...hmm...sumtymz i wonder wad i did to deserve sum1 like him...*phuke n barf nadiahs bein emo*...nwe...hez juz so...i dunno...n da "best" part...these past few days iv been like miss horny of the year...sure shalin beats me hands down but still..haha..n u know each time i sing those dumb campfire songs n like sum1 will put their hands on my shoulders...how i can never ever tahan it cos so geli...well he put his hands on my shoulders n dammit i did get turned on...wad da hell is rong with me!!!im bcomin real weird...either that..or my testosterone level has risen by a zillion....n like at my place...da dope threatened to close my door n like tickle me till no end..i wuz tinkin"puhlees u tickle me..dun b surprised if it ends up me makin out with him...hahaha..or atackin him(ok i didnt say that)".....god...i know...i need mental help huh...haha..true true...damn...got whipped cream in the fridge...well for now its onli for normal uses...well mayb one day it..err nvm...im gonna keep that in my head...n my pants...hahahaha....shut up matt...say one more thing n ill kill u...ok..nad...keep control of ur hormones...mus stay good..oh who am i kidding..no..no..argh...*slaps herself*...ok much better now....

posted by naddz @ 9:44 PM 0 Comments

well he knows it now...i dunno wads gonna happen but well i tink everything seems ok...not sure...i guess hes ok with it now...well mayb not totali ok but ahhh hecklah i oso dunno...juz see what happenz next time i see him....god i feel like crap...no not the crap till i wanna phuke..then again...no no...juz feel kinda depressed a bit...hell ill b fine..or at least ill pretend to be fine...hell i wuz able to pretend to b fine these past few months...ill b able to continue..this is me...i can handle anithin...so bugger off...dun ask if im fine anot cos the answer is obvious..,but even if im not fine i will be once i get wadtever pills i cen find into my system..speakin of wic...tink i wanna go find sum panadol...

posted by naddz @ 1:45 PM 0 Comments

i want to i hev to but i cant..i mean..i can..but dammit i just cant..makes sense..doenst to me...god..i mean..how am i supposed to tell the guy im with something like that...something no1 else knows...something iv been keeping from every single person for the past year....its not the easiest thingy...but well i know iv got to tell him sooner or later...i knoe he'll prolly hate me for it...or as expected dump me but hey its either that or him finding out on his own...n if he does end it its better if it ended now b4 i realli realli fall for him...i know matt is gonna flip once he knows im keepin sumthin frm him..im sorry man..this is just something that is best u didnt know...got ntn to do with u....i just hev to tell him sumtym soon....in the meantime...i wanna try to forget that it even happend...so much for blockin it outa my mind

posted by naddz @ 1:18 AM 0 Comments

wahlau...like so fast n its gona b like a month...dun get me wrong i didnt remember till i read my old msgs n realised it wuz oredi a month...im actualli kinda surprised it lasted this long...knowing me n my "luck"....well...lets juz see how much longer it lasts b4 cracks start to show....then ill b doin a faizal...dun get me wrong its not that i wan it not to last....but like u know..dun xpect nithin...oh crap..sleepy oredi...

posted by naddz @ 10:30 PM 0 Comments

goin to watch the notebook 2day...yayy..n i tink ill go for the 5 pm show at bukit batok...the seats ther r suposed to b good..well at least the couple seats..hell ill drag sum1 along..i dunno mayb matt or one of those goons..theyll prolly fall asleep halfway oso...n ill hev sum1 to finish da popcorn..tot of goin plaza but nah malas...its at 11 sumthin sumore...yerkh...nwe..i cen cont sleepin oso..then do mol b4 goin....hell even if i gota go alone i dun care...its one of those dumb emo crying movies anyway...better i go alone....whats the diff oso...story of my life what...n the song on my blog had better b playin or ill b damn pissd...thats my "song"....dunno y each time i hear that song i get in2 thoughtful broody mode...ah well...sorta matches my mood now.....hmm nithin else..doubt it...ok me wanna go lie down n hopfulli sleep... to make sure i do oso...

posted by naddz @ 9:01 AM 0 Comments

argh...i tink im gonna go nutzo studyin....cannot put anithin in2 my head anymore....i was like up all nyt doin da godforsaken ITA project then study all da way till like 11 b4 takin a break...god...its amazin i act studied huh...ah well...gota pass u know...show those idiots on my mom's ex husbands side that im doin great without em....damn im so sleepy(not sleepin da whole nyt does things to u)...n the nasi beryani smells nice..but i so prefer ayam masak merah compared to rendang....but hey theres dalcha as if im gonna pass that up..argh...wads rong with me ah...gained weit..i tink...i look fatter but weighin machine sez 44 still...damn period...gained 1 kg cos of it....but then i tried on my sec 4 dance dress(da latin dance one)..n hell it fit!!!sure its tight at the boobs(it grew!!!hahaha) but like da rest whoa...fit sia..im amazed!!!oooh ooh n my sec 3 n 4 baju kurungs fit too...n da one that i lookd bad in when i was skeletal actualli looked nice on me...in other words after goin KL im gonna hev like 8-9 bajus to wear on hari raya...haha...but of coz my fav is da sari material one..the pink one with chinese buttons...damn...dat wuz nice...n i lookd da best in that...well dat n da green one...oohla..cant wait for hari raya...cen finali get nu shoes then....haha..oh yeah...when i go kl gdad is like gonna smuggle me an xtra 100 bucks...cos knowin my mom...ill prolly wont b able to buy nithin i wan...so KL here i come...im so gettin clothes n cds....typical ryt...haha..me what..n of cos da food...im gonna b in msia...mampos...weit gain time...or haha i live off carrots for da next few weeks then eat there...hahahahaha....thats juz nutzo ryt...oklah..suddenli im feelin cold...no not THAT cold(well maybe a bit)...but mainly temperature...damn aircon....

posted by naddz @ 1:38 PM 0 Comments

ok...watched what a girl wants and freaky friday n i tell ya the shows rock!!!!damn the guy on freaky friday is super hot!!!!i mean realli realli realli hot..hell he has sorta long hair...wears a leather jacket n rides a ducati..i mean...wahlau n he cen get access to the teachers lounge n walks arnd ther like he owns da place...n hell he works at a coffeplace n sings britney spears songs without feelin any embarassment juz to win the heart of the girl...damn...wish that sum guy wuld make a fool outa himself juz to win my heart...ah well..im usualli the fool...argggh...seriously da guy is like wholaalalalalalalalala....well with the long hair....hmm wonder how he will look with the hair...hmmm...nwez downloaded the songs from both soundtracks n theres this one song by lindsay lohan that made me think....well kinda makes me think of him...ok ok i sound like sum loon but realli..plus its not one of those lovey dovey songs....

Your the kind of friend who always bends when Im broken
Like remember when, you took my heart and put it back together again
I've been wasting time with clueless guys but now it's over
Let me tell you why Im through
I've met someone new who's just like you

You're it, you're the ultimate
Its automatic Im sure of it
No lie, so dont even try
To tell me that your not the guy
Cuz ive been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it, you're the ultimate you

You're the kind of guy whose hands in mine
Send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again
Youre the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now its my turn Its been right in front of me
Everything I need Why didnt I see

You're it, you're the ultimate
Its automatic im sure of it
No lie, so dont even try
To tell me that your not the guy
Cuz Ive been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it, you're the ultimate you(guitar playing)

You're it, you're the ultimate
Its automatic im sure of it
No lie, so dont even try
To tell me that your not the guy
You're it youre the ultimate
Its automatic im sure of it
No lie, so dont even try
To tell me that your not the guy
Cuz Ive been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it, you're the ultimate you

the song rocks..the movie rocks...lindsay lohan rocks...n hell the guy rocks!!!!!

posted by naddz @ 9:10 PM 0 Comments

ok...im like uber sleepy...hungri...n i wan fries!!!crazy..yeah..me what....dunno wad i do stay up all night...now juz wanna sleep whole day...possible...since im gonna need energy to block the kaypos 2nyt...yepp its saturday...crapp...if i had money i wuld love to go out..but broke....ah well....another day then...shit..eyes feelin heavy..nice one lah...ok ok gonna try sleep b4 hev to go out with surayah....btw..matt ur right...im so gonna turn in2 u one of these days....argh...sum1 stop me...call me nutz but i know got no hope..helloo they call it "falling" for a reason...ah heck..hu cares...ooh...ooh...one more thing...

posted by naddz @ 12:50 PM 0 Comments

hellew...in maths class now...recall...boring...y does she alwez ask others stuff i know n when its my turn im like clueless....its like sec 1 n 2 science with mrs sundar again...yesk..those days sucked...well being lab partners with ee chow in sec 2 wuz fun..esp since ikah n whats his name wuz in front of us...sec 2 ruled man...annyway...ur not gona blieve hu da hell smsd me jez now...syco tapered mat from hell..yes ihsan...da loon who will not let go...aparantli amali hu i met on da train platform told da loon he saw me...tok bout crap right...nwe in one of his msgs he was like "i kinda miss u"...EEEW!!!!geross...if i wasnt at the bus stop i wouldv phuked the mentos out...ah well...hu cares...as long as i dun see his bloodi face i am happi...still remember when i saw him a few months ago...da loon actualli had dreds...hahahahah....like rooster sesat....god im evil...hahaha...ok ok...i wanna pay attention to this hen now...(dun laugh!!)...outttt~~~

posted by naddz @ 8:13 AM 0 Comments

looks like ill b stuck with the girls n their boyfrenz tomorow...how wonderful is that..coulplefest..diana n sandeep patrina n shaikh...how lucki m i...*btw i wuz bein sarcastic*....nwe im prolly gona sleep uber earli 2dae...dun feel like stayin up at all dunno y...ah well..2mro is gonna blow(- gettin my prezzzie)...gotta sit through a few hours of the 2 couples together feelin sorry for me being alone yet again n me tryn to get outta the thingy without phuking or gettin real pissed or iritated or watever...ah well..like evry outin iv had with em..juz plaster plastic smile......klah..me wanna go phuke now

posted by naddz @ 11:04 PM 0 Comments

gonna make this short.....I Love him!!!....n im nuts!!!

posted by naddz @ 4:04 PM 0 Comments

i so dun wanna b a pain but sumtymz i realli realli get worrid bout like evrythin..i know i shouldnt but wad cen i do sia...i know i know im not supposed to compare n stuff but like u know...hell i dun care bout the sendin home stuff thou it wuld b nice but like i sed i dun care..but i dunno sumtymz its da little things dat alwez matter to e...like sweet msgs or whatever....dunno y things like that alwez get to me....like when goon wuz concerned like ryt after leavin he wuld sms me...juz to say he got home or that he lovd me or misd me...oh god...this jessica simpson cen die sia...get pissed at nick cos he goin playboy mansion...damn if i wuz her i wuld so wanna go too...haha...what...nwe..update...yesterday go makan with my mom n him @ pizza hutt...n well mom loves him...i got no comment....n today went to youth flying club...boring!!!!then went to ps to watch i robot...it wuz good...then went to pasir ris park to chill with him...all in all ok day...then went met zal @ da vid store b4 goin home n rented underworld n little mermaid 2....gonna watch now...cya

posted by naddz @ 10:17 PM 0 Comments

i jez got back....went to ps jez now...well so much for mopin @ fc eyy..haha...met him instead n got sum food then juz hung out at the istana park there...it wuz well nice...for once well when he got off the train i wasnt hevin a mood swing haha...but actualli i think im gettin better now..not gettin upset over stupid things...n hell iv learnt never to take things for granted...like him...hez well great n im realli lucki things turned out this way....niwe like durr he'd read this...so i juz wanna say im sorry for being a moody bitch from hell to u sumtymz when u never did anithing rong n thanx for putting up with my crap...so far....niwe i know i know i sound like sum pathetic luv sick goon so sue me...haha...alah...dunno wad else to saylah....too happy oredi...me wna watch o.c now...got seth...my other boyyyfren....haha then again iv got sophan so hu needs seth...ok ok...signin off now..cyas....n oi can say sumthin on my bloodi tagboard cen!!!!chaloz...love u all..esp *u*...*mUaHZ*

posted by naddz @ 10:52 PM 0 Comments

at the internet cafe now...got break from like 1030 till like 1...well actualli i took da WAA test thingy at 10 n finished uber earli...cmon its english...if i dun finish earli then theres sumthin rong isnt there....wow...i realli like the keyboard here...i type damn friggin fast....nwe went to da loo after that..then canteen 1....tot naim or fir wuld b there..skali who do i see...andre...wic means..hafiz wuld prolly b there...n durr he was...called naim n aparantli they were at the library so i went over to meet em...watchin like da 2nd half of the spy who shagged me...forgot how funni it was...arnd 1145 they went off to canteen 4 n i went to canteen 1...ran in2 TK along the way....then got sum things i needed(batteries,mentos)...then went out to the main gate...since i knew sum1 wuld prolly b smokin there...n no i didnt smoke..wanted to but didnt....n now im back at the library..bored as hell..still got like what 45 damn minutes more...n so far all iv got are smses from dan n matt...typical isnt it...ah well...u cant win em all ryt...n i think my ring is damn fucked up lah...as in the mood one...im feelin anithin but happy or in love or whatever n yet its like dark blue n purple...puhlees...i bet u its juz followin temperature...i mean wic ring shows moods...how da hell wuld da ring know...hell even if it did itll prolly b one damn fuckin expensive ring duncha think...ok..now its official im in a bad mood...wow..took me that long to realise it...i tot the emo n angsty songs wuld hev made it clear to me...damn im dumb...n i mean dumb in evry aspect in the word...urgh...what...change that to dumb n pathetic can...cos i realli am...dunno y da damn song is gettin to me...argh...ok much better...tink i wanna go home after school..then again who m i kiddin...ill jez go out..call patna or dan or sumthin...or better yet go fort canning n mope...better than gettin pissed off or unhappy n start with my crap...in no mood to do that...ok its onli 1230...ill leave the lib at what 1250...20 more mins to what...think bout it more n get pissed...nah..malas...juz gonna accept my descision n bloody live with it...hell if it doesnt get better then juz get out b4 any more damage is done...or juz dun involve myself too much so i wont b fucked if it bombs...hell..i honestli dont give a shit bout anithin anymore...waste energy only....its better if iv got no feelings or no reaction to anythin..simpler

posted by naddz @ 12:11 PM 0 Comments

ello ello...again i cant sleep...well i slept between 11 sumthin n like 3..then woke up cos of MAJOR cramps...n cried...dun ask...not cos of the cramps thou....n then fell asleep again..then woke up at lyk 4 to phuke...dunno wads ronglah....then after that cennot sleep...keep on tinkin bout well typical stuff....i mean..i didnt not xpect things to change...juz that...alah..cmonlah..its juz small petty details...juz cos thers less interaction onlyn doesnt mean anithin does it??...nah...da hell m i tinkin..crazy person...but then all shalin n jamie do is chat onlyn...hello they dun see each other each freakin day in n out...god..im amazed he isnt bored yet...then again hu will get bored when they hev a walkin street directory...wait...oh my god..im farhana(master of puppets)!!!well minus the controlling n uber jealous factor..ok ok sure i cen get jealous but hell its natural ryt..onli thing im not the typ to restrict...hello its the guys life not mine ryt...he wanna go out with other people go lah...n if it doesnt work out so be it....(yeah say onli...knowin me ill prolly start bawling like sum baby)....but really like the sayin goes..things happen for a reason....plus everythin changes..cant xpect things to be peachy keane all the time ryt u goon...im such a hypocrite u know...i say one thing but my heart is alwez screamin another..then again i rareli listen to it since its barely functioning anymore..same as my brain...damaged goods oredilah...know what...wait..i oso dunnolah...too damn irritated n moody to thin straight..argh...im so damn pissed off at myself...dunno y i let dumb things dat shuldnt bother anyone at all get to me....n y i keep on comparin em...they diffrent...totalli..n cmon its understandable that he wuldnt do it...hello...dat 1 lived like what 5 minutes-10 mins away..like durr...god im a mess...anyone who puts up with me more than a month realli has will powerlah...ok then its like what 6 now..gonna try sleep for what 1 hour...at least...

posted by naddz @ 5:49 AM 0 Comments

i dont know why some people sacrifice n risk everythin in a relationship n never get anithin in da end...esp gurls...they will sacrifice what they want juz to make their boyfrenz happy n when they wan the guy to juz do a little sumthin for em..the guy will b like "what da hell"...i mean..y bother if hez juz gonna treat u like crap anyway n forget how to spell ur name..n like adrienne...she totalli jilted da rest of us once she n that mat got together n now he treats her like utter crap...its like whats it with guys..when theyre intrested in u they shower u with all the attention in the world..suddenli when ur atachd he'z like..oh whatever...n sleepy all the time n sumhow all other things are more important than u..like i sed...stayin single is the best..wont wori bout the guy losin intrest or juz plain makin use of u or if he actualli isnt intrested..

posted by naddz @ 11:54 PM 0 Comments

iv said it once n im gonna say it again...i shuldnt fall in love n only crazy people are dumb enough to risk everything for love...i hate myself

posted by naddz @ 11:42 PM 0 Comments

fuck man...i didnt go for my freakin maths class then everythin n i mean everything is goin rong for me...craplah im so damn stressed n moody right now...sure matt when m i ever not stressed n moody but like cmon iv never not slept cos of bein stressed n yesterday i slept at what 3 sumthin cos i couldnt stop tinkin bout u know what....i mean...shalin realli thinks its da beginning of the end for her n jamie...if if there can actualli b that for them...the perfect couple then well u knowlah....im like the master of screwin things up...n what makes me so sure i wont mess this up like i alwez do...sure this time i didnt like plunge in2 things as fast as i did da last time but still...theres still a major risk...im oredi startin to well b emotionally in2 da relationship as much as i tried not to be(or well shalin told me not to be but well this is me..so duhhh)...i know im still very reserved n i totalli hev doubts but cmon i dun hev any reason to be...n well iv gotten a taste of the "nadiah" treatment n now i know that it realli sucks...n i mean realli realli realli realli sucks...no wonder people cannot tahan..hell i myself cannot tahan...sumtymz i reali do wonder if im juz kidding myself again n well my heart tells me one thing but my head so tells me another( i know i know *phuke*)...hell my head is messed up so y da hell shuld i listen to it..i admit it i realli do like him...haha.crazy right...but thing is i dont show it exactli..i mean im affectionate n stuff but emotionally like im not exactli...sori..guess da shell is still very much there..n twice as thick this time...wish i wasnt so difficult sumtymz...what to do im a heinous bitch n nothin can change that fact...

posted by naddz @ 1:06 PM 0 Comments

elloz...its like what almost 5 n i cant sleep...dun ask...been like this since yesterday...n i keep on eatin n eatin..its weird i tell ya...ah well...at least i didnt gain ani weit...err not yet aniway....im also listenin to dat avril lavigne song ...my happy ending...its da coolest song ever...so is bellefire-say something anyway...n i acci heard dat song on mtv oso..haha..skill ryt me...haha...anyyywez met him jez now n we went to fort canning..he did his project with TK and i studied for my amp...still gota go down skool 2moro...haizz...malas sia...then monday got test..im so stressed...cen die lah...hmm know what...with him he alwez cen tell when im upset or moody...even if we're onlynlah..onli thing now i know how to pretend im fine cos seriously when im moody its cos of the dumbest ass reasons so at least i cen get over it n b fine without him tinkin im sumpetty nutzo dope...which err..i cen b sumtymz...hahaha...n i know i know im not supposed to b too emotionally into the relationship like shalin told me to be..but ah well..its a bit too err late...i act am falling for him...n as freaky as it is..it actually feels kinda nice...esp since im letting myself fall for him..haha...cmonlah..u know me...too scared to actually take a chance esp after my past mistakes...but i swear if this goes downwards i seriously am gonna lay off all guys...n hell if i could do it for da past 9 months then i cen do this now...he did say he wont break my heart...but...urgh what da hell m i tinkin...theyre both diffrent guyslah...but theyre still guys...cmon nad..tink positive...hasnt he been anithin but wonderful..but thats the problem...there has to b sum flaws...no1 is perfect u know...ergh...whats it with me...i juz cant accept it when good things happen to me..there juz has to b a loophole...it juz has to be...i mean..this is me..my entire life is filled with crappy things hapenin even if good things...great things happen..they never ever last....wonder if that avril song can b used in my life...haha...hell i juz realised that he myt read this..whoops..sori...juz how i felt at the time...i seriously dun doubt him at all..just my luck n da fact that no matter what...i alwez alwez alwez get kicked in da ass after sumthin real good hapenz to me..its juz a scientific fact...but yet...each time i think of him i juz smile...thats y i like da fact i can remember the past very well..can remember almost evrythin btwn us..n evrythin he told me...haha...n its been what onli a week(+) since we got together....good god...i lasted a week...wow...give him 3 more weeks b4 gettin irritated with the mood swings till he wants to take a swing @ me...hahaha...k k..its like 530 now..wanna try sleep...goodnyts..luv u all...kisses XXX

posted by naddz @ 5:34 AM 0 Comments