mentally unstable

well iv been watchin the oc a lot lately(downloaded)...n da show rocks!!!i love seth & summer...theyre the cutest couple eveRR!!!alwez bickering n stuff...kinda reminds me of me &...urr nvm...dun wanna tink bout it...or think bout him...ok change subject...went 2 see my shrink on wed n werked out sum stuff with my mom...its great actualli...im realli glad i tokd to dr ho...shez cool...& well...since fathrul & me stopped hangin a lot & since shalin went aussie i didnt realli hev ani1 to realli tok 2...as in u noe...sum1 hu knew & understood me like they did...n well i guess it didnt affect me that much at 1st cos there wuz thiru & then akash & then hafiz...so i never realli felt that alone...but after that i guess i didnt realli hev anithin...everyone of my frenz is atachd & when i tok 2 em they usualli hev probs with their significant others n i dun wanna bother em with my probs...ah well...at least now i guess i realise my probz arent dat big...juz 4get bout em...wanna b hapie & 4get that i ever felt that crappie...hell i got throu i bulimia relapse all by myself...i cen get over this...its nothin...

posted by naddz @ 1:06 PM 1 Comments

bloodi.hell...i juz bloodi gained 1 kg!!!crap crap crap....so damn bloodi pissed at myself for eatin da kfc yesterday...ah well...guess i musnt eat 2dae n 2moro....iv got like 9 more kg to loze...yeah im like 49 kg now...so damn sian....urgh....blergh...hmm wad other expressions r there...hmm...dunno yet...god...cant blieve im gona b 18 soon....kinda scarie actualli...im gonna b an "adult"...well...that juz means...i cen rent my own place....yeah...wanna get away from this place...its like hell man...oklah...im off now...muz go see my shrink....

posted by naddz @ 2:24 PM 0 Comments

ok well...my days hev been ultraboring...well sure...chattin with da 51 people is uberfun...but its not da same without the other people...like kuah satay,danial...the blacans...i miss em oredi...yalah..hvnt seen them since my od episode...well other dan danial...god..its like if theyre not around i hev no close frenz like that..i hvnt hung out with zal & the dwarfs for months now...i dunno..its juz not da same nimore...all the flirting n stealin spoons from coffebean & swensens juz lost its appeal i guess..well i still got da blacans..when they come back from bali that is....god...cant blieve they went to bali...those lucki buggers..well at least if they bring me a hot hot hot aussie surfer guy then i myt 4giv em for ditchin me here...haha...nolah...well..at least theyre hevin fun for now...soon itll b poly life...aka HELL!!!..too bad none of em r comin to NP...no members....alah..i still got my 51 peepz...so its all good..in skool i got my people..outta skool i got others...hell i dun even c patna or diana nimore..let alone viinoth or lach...last time i saw lach wuz wen we watchd the league with raj,teng & thiru...haha...dat wuz 1 amuusin movie*or shuld i say movie theatre{ahemz}*...haha...miss da ol days with em...oh oh know hu i miss oso....Nazir!!!haha..ok so mayb i juz miss checkin out his ass n abs..n err face...haha...mainly da asslah...god...dat guy wuz uber da hot...heck..i tink if i still saw him once a week like i used to id still b wooosh over him...that guy still makes me tremble when i see him...hez juz so woosh lah...whoa..cant blieve i liked him from what sec 1...8/8/99 to b xact...haha....whoa..ok..ok muz stop if not get turned on...haha...i miss gtn turned on..haha...ok ok i miss makin out lah...i admit it...*what im 18..i hev needs u noe*..gota get myself a man...haha...n i mean a man...not sum1 hu i gotta pay 4 n send home n evrythin...like dat myt as well i b da man...haha...then i cen b da one on top hahaha....wad m i sayin...*phoeyy*..think clean thots gerl....haha...ok ok..i muz change...muz start tinkin good thots...since i gonna turn in2 minah ferring*as in permanent one*...wait..hu m i kiddin...im not ready to walk around in a tudung full time...ok ok..when i turn 22 ill start wearin one permanentli ok...for now...i wanna hev fun..*n no it doesnt include ani smokin or nithin remotely degrading*..haha...well...once im 18 ill c wad i cen do...;P...

posted by naddz @ 9:28 AM 0 Comments

god this danial is drivin me nuts...i dunt noe wads got in2 him....he seems to think that im startin 2 fall for well sum1...sum1 that i know id never ever fall for....i mean...hez da 1 i go to complain bout things...hez like my big bro like that...when im upset or sumthin ill run to him...sure its mainly throu msn n wer not exactli that close but still he alwez makes me feel better...he toks a lotta sense n well he myt not noe da whole stori but still he just gets it...n he sez all da things that make things better...i cant possibli like him...n well hez so da innocent innocent type...hez like a seth cohen...haha actualli he is a lot like seth...never had gf b4...not good with gals...but hez not xactli the unpopular outcast type of guy...n yeah yeah he is cute but u noelah...this is me..i like the flawed guys...da ones that i hev a helluva time with n yet as much as i tink it will last well it wont..n never does...cos sooner or later ill get bored or hell get bored...i mean..yeah i do want a relationship..but i dunno...i jus dun wanna commit to sumthin that eventualli will fall apart...like all relationships do...yes they fall apart...haizz...ok truthfulli after the break up with hafiz i loss all my self confidence..guess i felt that i wuz prob never gonna meet a guy that wuld fall for me...n well bsides kuah satay i never realli met a guy hu wanted 2 get to know me n stuff..well other than sagar...n haha zals frenz r execptions....cos when im with them im like da wild me...the uncontrollable force of nature..hahaha...but now..i tink im back...hell hu cares if hafiz never likes me again...not as if there arent other guys in this bloodi werld rytt....hell im back in da game...n im better than ever{well at least i noe im a good kisser} muahhahaha...

posted by naddz @ 12:28 AM

well i juz read lyn's blog..n i guess she n *u noe hu* had a fyt again....hang in there lyn...ur xams r comin....try 2 tahan ok n do ur best 4 ur xams....haiz..i dun gettit..y isit alwez the gurls that put their all in2 relationships n get nothin back...the guys alwez take em for granted...its not fair to us....y cant guys feel the pain n hurt that gurls alwez feel whenever we take the risk to go in2 a relationships...sure i noe that in most of my relationships im da bitch...ok 1st...rahmat...well dats wasnt actualli a relationship...n hey were still frenz till now..then it wuz that overseas skool guy...yuck...it wasnt even a relationshiplah..then eman...urh..ok i gues i was da 1 hu inflicted da pain...then zhofry..hey he broke up with me for sum gelled hair minah ok...n i wasnt even datin awal dat time n he had da nerve to get jealous n pissed at me...hello he got 2gther with her 10 days after our break up...n then ihsan...well err...he had it comin da whole time..hell i wanted 2 dump him since da day he got mad cos i smsd ammar...gundu...n then there was wats his name....n well i guess i was da guilty party....n then hafiz...ok i admit i did hurt him at 1st..but i wanted a chance n he didnt wanna giv it to me..n ok now i wanna testify my actions after the break up....i admit that i played soccer with the 51 guys that night...but hell i spent the whole day crying like an idiot n i had 2 stop sumhow....n if i hadnt gone 2 play soccer dat nyt hu noes what i wuld hev done....n yeah mayb it wuld hev given others da rong idea but cumon...i onli had them....so waf could i do....n well i dunno y he tot i wuz with nordin or whatever....i juz hung out with him abbit....he has a wife...n im not da kind to potong jalan...heck it...dun care..its been 6 months...gotta 4get it...niwez..i juz wanna take this time to say that i hate relationships..n i never never wanna get in2 a relationship again...i give up i tell ya..dun wanna get hurt animore...well mayb ill take 1 more risk n if i get hurt..then thats it..no more..ill juz marry sum guy hu has money...hu cares if i dun love him....love cant buy u a home n nice clothes ryt...ok then...so whiicever guy hu likes me...juz tell me lah...cos if im with sum1 after this n it doesnt last...then no more...ill onli go 4 guys with more than 1000 in their bank after this...sick of pain oredi...sick of cryin myself to sleep..sick of hating myself n thinkin im not perfect n mutilatin myself...hell one of these days ill prob die of a rotten liver or lung or whatever it is that bulimia does to ur body...then again i dont care...no1 even gives a shit it i die so y da hell shuld i even care...

posted by naddz @ 10:04 AM 0 Comments

hello all u beautiful people out ther....yes i noe its been forever...wad can i say...im a busi busi gal*yeah ryt*...aniways...its official...iv still got feelings for *mNm's*...n this time...if he doesnt feel da same im not gonna b sad...hell theyre other guys in the world ryt....but if he does..then whoopieee!!!!haha...god im nutzo ryt...well hu cares...i like bein nutzo...cos thats meee!!!!ooh ooh....btw check out Hoobastank-The reason...its damn nice...n well its my nu *song*....haha....wish i could sing it to him...*look @ me gettin all emo*....oh yeah...n haha i lost weit!!!!yayy...from 53 now im 48!!!yes in 1 short week hahaha...soon soon...ill b 40 again!!!!life is good....well i dun care what it takes...i wanna b 40kg again....wanna wear my Miss Selfridge jeans again...n buy nu levis jeans...muahahahah...aniways...i oso got 2 nu tuition kids...ie ill b earning 480 a month!!!!!woohoo....sure i wont have a life but since im oredi grounded for life its no diffrent right....haha...argh..i dunno y im so happi ryt now...its weird u noe...i mean...it cant be MnMs cos i noe that we're prob not gonna get back together....but for sum twisted reason i juz cant stop smiling....mayb its this song im listenin to....*Liz Phair-Why Can't I*...haha...well...since im in such a good mood today i think i shall msg MnMs...yes Lyn this time i am gonna do it....*but dont b surprised if i chicken out @ da last minute ok*....oklah...me wana go makan now....my cuz got nasi goreng ketam....*yumm*....cowabungaaaaa!!!!!

posted by naddz @ 7:57 PM 0 Comments

ok..update...on wed i realised that iv still got feelins for M&Ms*hafiz*...n well i went to watch the soccer match on friday to support aerfi since hez playin...n of cos M&Ms played...n i dunno y all my feelins 4 him juz came back...i noe i noe shoot me ryt...nwe i bought M&Ms(as in da chocolate) for obvious reasons n i tot id juz leav it on his bag...y i oso dunno...n well i did....guess i tot mayb if i did that...arg heck i oso dunnolah....well final thing is i wuz ryt....he n me...never gonna happen again...cumon its been over 5 months...as if he still has feelins for me...hah!!!well at least i cen hev closure now...i hope...hell its been 5 months n im still not over him...hu noes how much longer ill take now...no probz...not as if im with ani1 n i like ani1...sure i kinda liked akash n well hez likeable material but akash...please...that 1 oso not gonna happen....everr.... well i juz wna b single for now....easier...n anyway kuah satay is goin new zealand in june so itll b easier once he'z gone....honestli i feel bad for him cos he luvs me so much yet i cant return him that...well i guess lifes not fair huh...

posted by naddz @ 9:01 AM 0 Comments

marriage=the economic union of two people who decided that they look good together in a silver picture frame and are about to ruin whatever frenship n trust they have by buying in2 a outdated system based on a illusion of "romantic love" which doesnt even exist anymore...wow that was a mouthful....i totalli agree with that saying...its so true duncha tink??

posted by naddz @ 12:03 AM 0 Comments

god...this song{wherever u wil go} reminds me of him....(heard it at da gig @ skool...d 1 akash's band performed oso)...haha...we both actualli loved da song...haha...those wer da days....well b4 i nicely screwed everything up....well what else is nu eh....nadiah...the big screw up....niwe...rahmat called me today...yepp...da bugger actualli called after what forever....he'z ok...he'z beginnin to like it there...but he still misses sop tulang n prata...haha..poor guy...well juz gota wait a couple of weeks till he'z back...*YAYY!!!*...then cen spend time with my favourite guy of all time...well...err 4th...ok 5th favourite guy....my cousins n da 3 stooges come 1st....hmm....i myt catch the prince & me this sat...well id watch da eye 2 but nah....i never watch scari movies alone...ill prob die of a heart atack.....at least when i watch mushy movie alone if i cry no1 cen see...well not that i cry but...ah whateverlah....at least i wont b stuck @ home with the kaypos....id rather die man....aniwez....2dae is thursday...1 more day to da weekends....usualli i look 4ward to weekends...well not nimore....its jus 2 days of bad tv n parents stayin home n wreckin evrythin..so y look 4ward to it...not as if i cen sleep in cos the "permaisuri"(aka my mom) will b orderin me here there n evrywhere from mornin 2 nyt....blergh...ani1 wanna trade mothers???

posted by naddz @ 7:43 PM 0 Comments

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
'Cause I'm getting tired
Of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and taken and
Tumbling and breakin'
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I'll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would

'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

n here i tot i wouldnt b all emo...hah...im a disgrace to my people

posted by naddz @ 2:01 AM 0 Comments